Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas update

Well hello there, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas festivities with family and friends. I know I did. I ate what I loved and if I was feeling full I tried to stop eating. I'm proud to say that I have maintained my weight through Christmas! Usually you know how it goes, you eat like crazy and vow to diet as your New Year's resolution. I'm so happy those days are behind me.

It feels great to know that I don't have to put myself on a crash diet come the New Year. I can just do exactly what I'm doing now. I will try to honor my body the best I can. I did slack on exercise this past week, only 1 or 2 days, but I'm ok with it. I know that next week I will be back on track. The reason I say next week is because I'm going away tonight to my in laws until sunday. We always spend about a week there and have a big New Year's party. It's always a blast, with a lot of eating and drinking going on. This year I hope it will be different since I have a different mentality about it. I want to come back and feel good!

I hope you all have a Happy and Healthy New Year! Here are some photos from Christmas.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Random thoughts

I have been missing for a while. I got hit with a stomach bug...ugh! It wasn't pretty. I did notice the scale down to 167, a number I haven't seen in quite sometime. I will admit that it got me a bit excited. I realized that once I resumed normal eating that the scale we go up a bit, of course it did : )

I was just thinking today about when I weighed 145lbs 5 years ago. I remember how great and confident I felt, but on the inside I was suffering. I knew deep down I could not maintain the eating style I had adpoted at that time. I wasn't starving myself, but I wasn't truly using my own hunger and fullness queues either.

I ate my daily points for the day no matter what, I would never eat more if I was still hungry after a meal. I would tell myself I had to wait until the next scheduled meal time. I would make deals with myself constantly, like if you are hungry you can only eat carrots or drink water and you have to wait until 12 to eat again. It seems like a pretty sad life when I look back on it.

Fast forward to the present day. I have learned to eat when I'm hungry no matter what time my last meal was. I'm nowhere near perfect, and I have my moments where old thoughts or habits creep back, but I'm better at warding them off now.

Today I had a moment where I thought about eating a cocunut macaroon, and then I said no, no, you can't have one now. I realized that the moment that I first tell myself I CAN'T have something means that the old voice is creeping in. Now I have decided if I want a cookie that is just what I'm going to have! I can't keep battling myself. If I want something I have to have it because if I don't it will lead to 5 cookies and maybe followed up with chips or whatever else I can use to beat myself up for "messing up".

My final conculsion for today is that I often think that I might get back to that weight of 145lbs, and I also wonder why I have been about the same weight for a year now, but the truth is maybe this is my happy weight. Maybe this is where my body is truly comfortable and if that's the case, I think it's becoming easier each day to accept that.

I hope you have a great day!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Chocolate for breakfast

Normally I definately crave a savory breakfast over a sweet one. Today I wasn't that hungry. After working out I had a tall glass of chocolate milk thanks to Anette @ for that!

After the milk I was full for a couple of hours. I started to get hungry around 10 and decided to try a breakfast that I had been thinking about trying. I made some plain oats and added a teaspoon of PB and two tablespoons of dark chocolate rasinettes. I thought I would love it, but unfortunately it's just so so. I'm glad I decided to try this when I wasn't so hungry. I didn't finish the bowl, but I did enjoy an apple on the side.

This is the beauty of listening to my body. I used to eat just because it was a certain time and I had to. Now I eat when I'm hungry and I eat exactly what my body is asking for. Otherwise this always leads to a feeling of being deprived for me. I can remember back in the Weight Watcher days I would eat something even if I wasn't hungry because God forbid I waste my points : ) glad those days are behind me.

I'm getting better everyday at listening to my body and trying to break old habits of emotional eating. I'm feeling great with my progress these days. I even saw the scale drop. Of course this is not my only means of measuring my progress but I do use it to check in with myself. The scale and I haven't always been great friends, but I'm trying to work on that too.

On another note, I'm debating on going a little darker with my hair. I want a more natural look with suttle highlights. I'm wondering what you all think? I'm also debating on cutting it as well.

First here is the color I have now

I'm in the front..purple shirt

Here is a darker color I had in the past, not crazy about this.

Now my question is what would you think about more of a light brown with subtle highlights?

Something like this...maybe a touch more highlighted.

I'm also tempted to chop my hair, but maybe I should work out my color first!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Pushing through and a recipe

Boy did I have to give myself a huge push to workout this morning! I was fighting tooth and and nail, but I'm so glad that I gave in. I feel great. Why is it always so hard to get started? I told myself that I'm commiting to 3 days of exercise a week for this month so I have to do this!

My plan with setting this challenge is to hopefully get myself to form an execise habit. Once that is in place I can move on to more time or more days per week.

I have been doing my normal dvd that I have talked about before ...Bob Green total body makeover. I was pretty bored with it, but I decided to up my weight. The workout is more intence now and I'm liking it : )

I wanted to share a recipe that I made the other day. Sorry no photos, my camera is broken.

Spaghetti w/ ground chicken

Cut up 2 cloves garlic and 1/2 a large onion and saute in 2 tbsp of oil
Add ground chicken and cook until brown
Season chicken with salt, pepper and garlic powder
Add 28ounce can on tomato sauce + 1 can tomato paste  (add 3/4 can of water and add to sauce)
season with basil, black pepper, a little oregano and some pecorino romano cheese. (sorry I eyeball measurements)

Bring to a boil and then put on low for about 1 1/2 - 2 hours. Stirring every 1/2 hour.

Add this to any type of pasta. We really enjoyed this. I always tried this with ground turkey but never thought it would be good with chicken. It's yummy and even less fat and calorie than turkey!


Monday, December 5, 2011

New Week

Well it's a new week and that means it's another chance for me to be more in tune with my hunger and fullness. I don't know what it is with weekends, but I think I just loose touch of my hunger for some reason. I guess it's a habit that I had while dieting, I would do well all week and just blow it on the weekend. I guess it is still ingrained in me. Habits do take a long time to break when you have had them for years.

The one thing that HAS changed is I no longer look at Monday morning as a day to start a new diet. I'm so relieved about that! I'm taking things one day at a time. I'm trying my best to tune into my hunger and fullness and to try my best to stop emotional eating.

My son is sick today so today is going to be a crazy day. Here is to a good Monday and and a great week!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Birthday Celebration

Today is my Husbands Birthday. I'm spending my day preparing for us to celebrate tonight. I love getting ready for ocassions like this. I'm making some of his favorite foods tonight. Although they aren't too health conscious I think that birthday's are one of those times when you can indulge a bit. I'm making some empanadas and some spanish rice.

For those of you that don't know what empanadas are, they a pastry filled with seasoned ground beef and deep fried ...yeah I know but it's his birthday right?

You can also bake this in the oven, but I haven't tried it that way and I think they are best fried at least for today. I might give that a try another time. I will post the recipe later on as I don't have exact measurements just yet.

I also baked a marble cake. That is one of his favs.

I'm looking forward to celebrating my best friend, the one that makes me laugh everyday, my positive support system and the best father to our son. Not just because he is my husband, but he truly is my better half. He really puts a smile on everyone's face that knows him. I'm blessed to have him in my life!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Feeling a little hopeless

I did well all day until now. I don't know why sweets have such power over me. I did well all day until I pulled out a cake that I baked over the weekend that was stored in the oven. I forgot that hubby put the cake in the oven (i'm sure he did this so I wouldn't be tempted) It was all good until I had to cook dinner : ) I opened the oven to put my meatloaf in and found that evil cake!

I took a nibble, then another nibble and then a peice. Followed that up with three cookies. Feeling kinda sad right now. In these moments I feel like I will never get a hold of my emotional eating. I don't even know why I ate that. Sometimes I feel like I just have that voice in my head saying don't eat that, and I just rebel and say oh yes I can. After I eat it I keep eating because I think I'm kinda punishing myself.

The one good thing I can say is that in the past I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself. One day at a time right? I can break years of bad habits so fast. Although it's been about a year since I have started on this Intuitive Eating Journey...I will keep at it.

Back on Track

Today I'm feeling like I'm back on track. It's Monday after a long weekend and I was up bright and early with my son for school. I prepped dinner, made breakfast for my son and for me and hubby too. I love when I wake up on a Monday and feel so accomplished.

One thing I have learned thus far is that I don't dwell on the past as much as before. I have a fall and I just get up and keep on moving. I feel that is what worked against me in the past. I just beat myself up for eating too much and ended up eating more. Sometimes this cycle would go on for weeks until I would try another diet, only to fail. I sure don't miss those days!

Today I want to get back in touch with my hunger and fullness cues. I also want to start to exercise again. I struggle a lot with keeping up with exercise. I would like to commit to 3 days a week from now until Christmas. I think that is something I can stick with and I think I could use the challenge.

How do you stay motivated to exercise?

I hope you have a great Monday!

Sunday, November 27, 2011


Ugh just sums up how I feel right now. I have been off track with my eating since Wednesday. I can't tell you why I was snacking constantly the day before Thanksgiving up until last night. I guess I have to have a better plan in place for the Holidays. It has to last for that day and that day only!

Not sure why it's so hard for me to do that? I did have a few things that upset me yesterday, but that was just yesterday so at least I understand what happened there, I was emotionally eating. The other days not so sure.

I feel like I'm in a food coma today, headache, bloated ugh. So today starts a new day. I want to be back in tune with my body like I had been. It's funny how a few days of eating so much junk just makes you forget what it felt like to be in tune with your body.

Today so far 1/2 of a banana and coffee. I'm going to do my best to have no sweets until tonight. I have some light ice cream for a treat. There shouldn't be any reason to have a sweet more than once a day unless it's a special day.

I did take the scale out of the closet and I am back to my old habits there again. Sometimes I think I need to just totally get it out of my house. When I know it's in my closet I will eventually take it out to check in with myself.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Gone Too Soon

This past weekend was one of the saddest moments for my family. We lost my cousin in a tragic car accident.
She was so young (22) and so beautiful and full of life. I always try to find something good out of every situation in life, but something like this makes it difficult.

All I can say is just live everyday like it's your last because you just never know. Show Love, be kind and don't hold a grudge. Just enjoy every moment, because when you loose someone you Love all you have are those memories until you see them again someday!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Pushing Myself

I'm really ready to see change in myself. I'm doing really well with listening to my body and feeding it fairly well.

If I'm truly hungry I'm eating foods that I know will nourish my body. If I'm looking for a treat I know that I'm not truly hungry but I don't deny myself either. I will tell myself that I can have a treat after dinner. I have been able to hold out until then and it hasn't made me feel restricted at all.

I notice that I really do get this inuitive eating thing for the most part, but I just have to keep at it. I never make progress for too long because I revert back to old habits of emotional eating.

I have to remember this quote because it is so true. I have to  be happy for the progress I have made so far and not be hard on.myself.  I have changed a lot in how I see food and how I feel around food. I used to have a lot of anxiety around food always worrying about fat and calories. Those days are now pretty much history.

I have put away the scale for now and I'm not going to lie I did peek yesterday and noticed a small drop, but I decided that it is much better for me not to know the number, I really think it takes away the whole purpose of this journey for me. I'm going to stick to weighing myself once a month for now.

I worked out on Monday for the first time in 3 months! I'm so sore!!. I have never been this sore ever. I realized that I need to push myself out of the box to try things that challenge me. If I don't challenge myself I will never see any results in my fitness. I did a workout on exercise tv online, it was free and only 20 minutes.

I'm going to see if I can manage to do something today that is a little less intense. I don't want to not workout but I don't want to hurt myself either.

How long do you you wait in between workouts if you are very sore? 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

God is Good!

I talked a few days ago about how things are tough with money. I had a bad day and I vented and moved on from there.

I always Thank God for everything. I have really come to a point in my life that I'm just at peace with things most of the time and let God guide my path. Of course I'm human so I have my not so perfect moments, but they are defiantely less than before!

I found out yesterday that my husband got a raise at work! I was so emotional over this. That was just proof to me that God is there and hears your prayers. He always works things out. I'm so thankful. It is not a huge amount but just what we needed.

I remember the days when I lived in fear, anxiety and worry daily. I woke up with negative thoughts and never felt good enough. The good new is that with God on your side you are always good enough! You are always loved and taken care of no matter what.

"You and I can't change ourselves, but we can spend time seeking the one who can change us" - Joyce Meyer

This is so true. I start each morning with my bible reading and this just renews me everyday. I feel positive and ready to take on the day with God on my side. 

I hope you all have a blessed day!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Low on Money

When I decided to quit my job to be home we definately took at major pay cut. I babysit my neice 4 days a week but it's is about 1/4 of what I made before.

We share the car, we share a cell phone and we definately don't get to do many extras for ourselves. We are so blessed that our son is a great kid. He really doesn't ask for a lot and he saves his money from birthdays and other occasions to buy things he wants.

I tend to deal with us being tight on money very well, but today wasn't one of those days. I just broke down in the car. I went food shopping and I had big plans to get some good healthy foods around the house so my hubby and I can start to eat better. No such luck. I definately got some produce and fruits, but was unable to buy the nuts and the little extra special things I had planned on.

Sometimes It just gets to me that it's so expensive to be healthy! Why do they make it so hard? Well I hate to sound like I'm complaining but everyone has to vent sometimes right?

I try to tell myself that so many people have it worse than me and that is true. I finally calmed down and realize that things must have been getting to me a lot more than I knew.

I love being home now and that I don't want to change but I do want to try getting a part time job. I feel that we definately could use some extra cash. The Holiday's are looking grim with us even buying gifts for our son, forget anyone else. I wish I could but who knows maybe something will work out.

Sorry for being a downer. I let it out and now I'm moving on. I'm very blessed and I need to remember that!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Coming around

My hubby has put on some weight in the 5 years we have been married. I think this is a pretty common thing with couples. I also gained all the weight back that I lost in time for our Wedding as well.

Here we are on our Honeymoon in Aruba

This is a pretty recent picture of us

You can definately see the difference in our weight and you can see the unhappiness in us. I definately think that extra weight makes you feel less confident.

The real reason for this post is to let you know that hubby actually came to me and asked me to help him loose weight! This made me so happy. I have wanted him to do this along with me many times but he just wasn't ready.

He is now, and he means business! I'm feeling really happy about this. I know that his support is what I need to make this happen for myself.

Although I'm working through my own issues with binge/emotional eating. I think that this is a positive step in the right direction for me. I no longer have to prepare different meals for him and bring junk food into the house. My son is pretty much ok with healthy snacks so that's a plus too.

I'm feeling good about going shopping tomorrow and stocking the house with healthy foods for my family.

Is your family/spouse/significant other on board with healthy eating? 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Goodbye Scale

I tried getting rid of my scale once before. I did have some sucess until about 3 weeks in. I'm trying it again. This time I"m not putting a time limit on it. I just want to try to break my obsession with weighing myself. Sometimes I jump on the scale 3 or 4 times a day.

I do want to loose weight that is true, but I feel that weighing myself this often is only hurting me. I step on the scale almost every time I use the bathroom througout the day. It has just become second nature to me. I took the scale and put it in my closet yesterday. Twice I went to step on it and realized it wasn't there. That just shows me how much of a habit it has become.

Don't you think Marilyn said it perfectly....

This is what I need to remember...

I have trouble loving myself now. I know it's not where I want to be but if I don't love myself now I won't take proper care of myself.

What is one thing you love about your body? 

I love my hips. They have expanded since I had my son, but it was never something that bothered me. I felt that it made me more shapley. 

What celebrity has an ideal shape to you? 

My pick is this lovely me she is the epitome of a perfect women. 

Monday, November 7, 2011

New Day

Today is a new day. That is always how I have to look at it right? I went to my Mom's for dinner yesterday and we enjoyed lasange, meatballs, bread and salad. I enjoyed all of it and was pretty full. Of course there was dessert.

I had two cupcakes and a small peice of pie. My Mom also sent me home with 6 cupcakes for my son. I know when she sends me home with goodies I'm usually the one that eats it! I did end up eating another two cupcakes later that night.

I haven't done something like that in quite sometime. I was a bit dissapointed that I gave in so fast. I wasn't hungry but I haven't had cupcakes in a while and I love them (hence the blog name) so I just couldn't get enough.

There are actually 4 cupcakes left and as I'm typing this I'm actually thinking of having another cupcake this morning. You know that mentality....if I eat all oft them they will be gone and nothing will tempt me. Yeah right! I should know better!

I know this is a journey and habits that I have had for years aren't going to go away so fast, but sometimes I do get my days that I get frustrated. Today is one of them.

I will do my best to stay away from those cupcakes for today because I know I will not feel good if I eat them again.

On a good note my son received his yellow belt in karate this weekend. I'm so proud of him! He has been so dedicated to karate.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Fun Friday

After yesterday's heavier post I wanted to share something  fun for Friday! Here are some of the things I'm lovin' right now.

Although I'm not a country girl, I'm lovin this song right now.  You know when a song just gives you that good feeling...this does it for me! I especially love Carrie's voice. I wouldn't mind her hair either ; )

I found this little treat the the Dollar Tree last night and had to grab it. I just love that store and I seem to find something exciting and different each time I go.

I'm loving my naturlizer boots. I have suffered with back problems so it's hard to find heels that don't hurt my back. These were a great find!

I'm lovin' the colors of fall..although it doesn't look like this just yet : )

The last thing I'm lovin' right now Positive People!

I hope you have a great weekend!

What are you lovin' right now?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Looking Back

Cupcake Confessions: A little about me

I decided to go back in time to my first post, last March. I think I needed to see just where my I was almost a year ago.

In a way I feel like I'm in the exact same place, but at the sametime I think I have made progress.

I still don't feel comfortable at this weight that is the truth, but I do feel that I have more Love for myself.

I think this quote is really the key for me. I'm doing my best to make sure I stop the negative thoughts about myself and my weight. I'm choosing to Love myself and to appreciate how much this body does for me. Without self acceptance you can't make any progress.

I'm so grateful  because.....

I have a supportive family who loves me dearly no matter what

I have a stable income

I have a roof over my head and food to eat

I can give hugs to my Son and Husband

I can cook for my family

I can care for and nuture my neice

I have overcome back problems

I have a big heart and can be sympatheic

I'm a good listener

I give good advice

I encourage others

As simple as these things might sound, they mean so much to someone who doesn't have them.

I watched a show the other day called I survived beyond and back.  If you have about 45 min I encourage you to watch this. It was so amazing to hear these stories of life after death. It makes you realize just how short life is and to enjoy every moment.

I know if God forbid something happened to me or my family I would bet I wouldn't care less about the number on the scale. I'm not saying to give up and not care, but I'm saying don't make it your life. I feel that sometimes weight and diets take over a lot of my thoughts. I think that is my biggest struggle.

I truly beleive that all the matters in the end is how we love. You can't take anything else with you when you go.

I hope this wasn't too deep for you on a Thursday morning : )

What are the simple things you are grateful for today? 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Not What It Seems

Today I want to talk about being accepted for who you are.

I have been watching this show on MTV called Chelsea Settles. Chelsea has dreams -- to lose weight, to pursue a career in fashion, and to achieve her lifelong goal of moving to sunny, beautiful Los Angeles. But change isn't easy, especially for a sheltered small-town girl who's never flown on an airplane or lived on her own before.

As much as I know that the truth is we are all judged on appearance, it still saddens me. As you can see in this video Chelsea was treated differently because of her weight. I think everyone deserves a fair shot no matter what the situation.

We all have something to contribute to the world no matter what we look like on the outside. That really says nothing about who we are.

For example, Chelsea also found out on this episode that her roomate Jenna (who she thought had it all together) was an ex- drug addict. She battled with heroin addiciton. It just goes to show you that appearance doens't tell a thing about a person. You never know who they really are deep inside of what they have battled.

Also, I saw an episode of Dr. Drew's Lifechanges and they had the former Miss USA Tara Conner talk about her stuggle with addiction. It would seem by looking at her that she had her life together as well, but this wasn't the case either. Here is a short clip from the show. She was helping share her story with two twin sisters that were struggling with alcohol addiction.

Now Tara works to help others that struggle as she did. So it's nice to see a negative situation be used to help others.

I feel so strongly about people being accepted the way they are. I guess I have to work on accepting myself just the way I am too : )

What do you think of the show Chelsea Settles? Do you agree with how she is being treated out there in the fashion industry?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Workout Motivation

I have never really been the type of person that loves working out. Although I have gotten better with exercise as I have gotten older, I haven't been able to make it a habit. Does anyone else feel this way?

Especially since I have back problems. (arthritis and two herniated disks) I need to make exercise a priority. I want to take better care of my body and be able to live well in the future.

Before my back problems I was doing Bob Greene's Total Body Makeover pretty consistantly.

I really enjoyed this because it was broken down into 8 week segments. Each segment is around 15-20 min. As the weeks progress the levels get more difficult. I definately saw results with this DVD and also started to feel stronger. I never did make it to week 8. I gave up around week 6 or 7 because it was getting tough and I started having back problems.

The above pictures are from week 1. As you can see it starts off a very low impact. This is really great for me.

It has now been about 3 months since I have worked out. I haven't been motivated to turn this DVD on. I think about it daily but don't do anything.

What do you do when you are in a rut for motivation? Do you try something new? 

A part of me thinks that's what I need, but then I wonder if a new DVD will even make a difference. I wonder if I should just push myself to start this?

Here is a pictures of pictures of my Neice on Halloween...

Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Treats

I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween.

I can remember Halloween of past years (my dieting years) where I would secretly wait for time to look through all the candy (my son's candy...sad to say this) and pick out the things he didn't like so I could go to town on them. I always remember Halloween as a day that I binged until I was pretty much sick.

This binging would usually last for a week or two after Halloween or until the candy was gone. I could remember even eating the candy that I didn't like.

Just when I think that I have made no progress in my recovery I realized that today I sat here with a huge bowl of candy in the house. I had snickers, milky way, three different types of  M&M's and all I ate was one milky way!  That is HUGE for me!

I actually didn't even think much of the candy sitting right by me. I'm so happy to be able to be in this place and to be able to realize my progress. Days like this make me so eager to keep at this Intuitive Eating process.

I may not be the weight I want to be or the size jeans I want to be right now, but I think it's so much deeper than that. This is a journey and there are many peices to this puzzle. I see one of the peices are in its place so far and I'm so excited to see the puzzle unfold.

Sunday, October 30, 2011


This is so how I felt tonight! Everytime I get together with two particular family members it usually turns into an argument.

One of these ladies is going through some things in her life and I totally get it, but I don't get how she has to be so nasty to everyone around her. I came home tonight with a bad attitude and I let that trickle into my own home life. I finally got a hold of it and have calmed down now.

After I sat down to write this post I realized that the truth is that negative behaviour is a reflection of the other person. It tells you what kind of person they are and what issues they may be dealing with. It's not a reflection of who you are.

Some people have no idea how negative they’ve become. That's what they're surrounded by day in and day out so it’s just become a way of life for them. By being given the reminder, they may actually realize that being negative isn't the kind of person they want to be and may start to work on becoming more positive.

If you can be higher energy than they are then your energy will most likely start to rub off on those around you instead of the other way around. Also, the less you pay attention to them, the less they'll affect you.

Negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?

I know I will try to remember this advice next time. I will remember to be a positive person like I usually am and I will carry a smile. Hoping that someday it will be contagious!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Fat Talk Free Week

I came across this video this morning. It's a very powerful message.

I'm on board with no more fat talk. It is really sad to think so many of us ingage in this talk on a daily basis. A lot of it is not even realized, that is how common it is. When you comment on a friends weight loss does it not trigger thoughts of you going on your next diet or just cutting back to loose a few pounds. Well I know it does that to me at times. I want to focus on changing how I think because that is when I think I will finally see some progress in my recovery..
Loving youself has to come first. This seems so simple but can be so hard. Please try to start somewhere.
Will you join me in a Fat Talk Free Week?

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Today I want to share some positive quotes. I think it's so important to remember these things. I hope you Have a great day!