Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Breakfast, a review and positive thoughts

Today's breakfast was the same as yesterday 

Yesterday I had some of this Tribe roasted red pepper hummus. I'm not a huge fan of this. I have tried the Sabra brand and it's so much creamier, the Tribe is a bit dry and not very smooth. I will not buy this again.

I'm reading Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer. I'm loving it so far. I have to work on being a more positive person. She says that we are in control of our thoughts so I have to remember to push negative thoughts away as they come...here is to a positive day. Looking forward to date night with the Hubby tonight : )

Monday, March 28, 2011


Today I had some leftover Black bean and veggie Chili. Even the hubby loved it! It's very yummy and filling. I also had a half of a tortilla on the side

what a weekend

What a weekend full of emotions and emotional eating! I let a situation with my Dad get the best of me and it really tore me down. I feel drained emotionally and physically. I haven't felt like I've had a food hangover like this in quite sometime. I really don't want to rehash what went on. It's a new day and I want to start over and move on. All I will say is, there are things that I thought I was over that I'm still holding onto. I hope that if this comes up again I will treat myself better and not eat my emotions...that never changes the situation it just makes me more upset with myself. I came across this article and thought it was great, the book looks good also. 


Breakfast this morning
                                               Can't forget the coffee!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Yummy breakfast

I went to bed pretty hungry last night, not on purpose, but it was so late and I don't like to eat right before bed. I had eggs and french fries on my mind. Do you ever have those nights that you already know what you want for breakfast the next morning?  
The great thing about Intuitive Eating is I was able to have exactly what I wanted without any guilt : )  I had some fried eggs with french fries and of course ketchup...the meal wouldn't be complete without it! I planned on posting a picture but I ate a little quickly. My weekend should be nice and relaxing, just what I need. Looking so forward to some warmer weather. Wanted to post this pic because it reminds me of warmer days...Summer how I miss you so! 

Thursday, March 24, 2011

So Grateful for my son's wisdom

Well last night was pretty eye opening for me. My husband brought home some of my favorite cookies for me. As I sat down last night to have one, my son says, "No Mom, don't give into the temptation!" At first I laughed, but then I realized how much he notices my relationship with food. He is so used to me being on a "Diet". He was just saying what he thinks that I want to hear. I actually cried about this. I couldn't beleive I was so caught up in this food/diet obsession that I didn't see this happen. I told him, " I know Mom has always been on a diet but, I'm done with dieting, but Thanks for trying to help me though." 
I'm grateful that I was able to see through my son that I have to heal myself. This just confirms to myself that intuitive eating is exactly what I need to do.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Trying my best

I never realized just how tough it would be to stay on track with intuitive eating.  As much as I feel great to not be following a plan, a part of me misses that rush of being on a diet. It made me feel like I was in control of my life. This makes me feel a little out of control at times.
I spoke with my cousin again about the diet she is on. She really isn't trying to push it on me. She is just simply letting me know how well it's working for her. She said she is eating so much healthier and she also hasn't once been hungry yet. Not to mention the scale has gone down just after 2 days. 
I'm definitely at my highest weight (174lbs and I'm 5'5") so that part of me just wants to try it out and see how it goes. If I see that I get too obsessed I will stop right away. As I'm writing this I'm having a battle with myself. My conscience is saying "how could you possibly go on another diet, don't you see what it does to you?" Uhh.. yes, I know this blog is supposed to be helping my recovery and hopefully others. I'm not sure what my next step will be, but I couldn't imagine writing this blog without being completely honest about my daily struggles.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Bad Day

I slipped into some bad habits yesterday. I was with my cousin and she was talking about this new diet she was going on. I think that I got hooked into that idea. It made me mindlessly eat the rest of the day. I wasn't feeling good that I just let my emotions take over. This is all part of recovery I see. Things aren't always going to be perfect, but it's how we bounce back from it that counts.
On another note...I made a deal with myself to put the scale away since I was weighing myself everday. I was doing well until I took it out yesterday and saw that I had gained a few pounds. As of last night I was debating with the idea of going on yet another diet. I realize this morning that I just can't do that to myself. I'm back to being more positive about ending this obsession and eating intuitively. I have to work on letting what others are doing not to influence me.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Food addiction

 I checked my email this morning and found this article below. I receive these emails from shrink yourself.com and I love reading them.

It's funny how the article related to my night . I went to a party and there were all different appetizers there. I felt that I ate intuitively until I got home. My husband brought home some burgers and fries. I wasn't hungry but I think I was a bit upset so I ate half a burger and some fries. I didn't let myself feel any guilt about it but I know I definately wasn't hungry. I think being around others in a social setting increases my insecurities about myself, not sure why? I just didn't feel good about myself and my weight at all. Also, my cousin was dicussing this new diet she might be trying. I think that could have been a trigger. I'm not giving up I want to give intuitive eating a real try. I want to be able to heal my obsession and then be able to help others once I get there.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A little about me

I have dieted on and off for at least 12 years. I have also struggled with emotional eating/bingeing and was never able to keep the weight off. I started to obsess with being thin and with counting points as WW was usually my diet of choice. I wanted to start this blog to document my journey to end this obsession and live the life I know I was meant to live. I recently started intuitive eating to try to heal my bingeing.
I have been trying  intuitive eating for about a month now. I definitely see how my obsession with food has diminished. That has taken some stress off of me for sure.
What I find a bit harder is accepting my body as is. I' m not at a happy weight right now. I gained back all of the 33lbs I lost on WW over a period of two years.
A little history...I lost the weight for my wedding 5 years ago. That last time I did WW I had lost the most weight I had ever lost. I felt so comfortable and confident. After the wedding little by little the weight came back on. I remember bingeing on wedding cake while my husband wasn't around. I feel so ashamed of that when I think of it now. I don't think I realized back then how much of an issue this really was. I struggled to try to get back to counting points or trying to count calories thinking that something different would help. I had no luck with loosing. As I kept putting weight back on my confidence dropped. It's sad to say but I think that being thin makes me feel accepted in some way. I don't feel that I'm good enough when i'm heavier. I'm struggling to hang in there with this intuitive eating thing and hope that things will get better. Right now i'm taking it one day at a time.