Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Treats

I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween.

I can remember Halloween of past years (my dieting years) where I would secretly wait for time to look through all the candy (my son's candy...sad to say this) and pick out the things he didn't like so I could go to town on them. I always remember Halloween as a day that I binged until I was pretty much sick.

This binging would usually last for a week or two after Halloween or until the candy was gone. I could remember even eating the candy that I didn't like.

Just when I think that I have made no progress in my recovery I realized that today I sat here with a huge bowl of candy in the house. I had snickers, milky way, three different types of  M&M's and all I ate was one milky way!  That is HUGE for me!

I actually didn't even think much of the candy sitting right by me. I'm so happy to be able to be in this place and to be able to realize my progress. Days like this make me so eager to keep at this Intuitive Eating process.

I may not be the weight I want to be or the size jeans I want to be right now, but I think it's so much deeper than that. This is a journey and there are many peices to this puzzle. I see one of the peices are in its place so far and I'm so excited to see the puzzle unfold.

Sunday, October 30, 2011


This is so how I felt tonight! Everytime I get together with two particular family members it usually turns into an argument.

One of these ladies is going through some things in her life and I totally get it, but I don't get how she has to be so nasty to everyone around her. I came home tonight with a bad attitude and I let that trickle into my own home life. I finally got a hold of it and have calmed down now.

After I sat down to write this post I realized that the truth is that negative behaviour is a reflection of the other person. It tells you what kind of person they are and what issues they may be dealing with. It's not a reflection of who you are.

Some people have no idea how negative they’ve become. That's what they're surrounded by day in and day out so it’s just become a way of life for them. By being given the reminder, they may actually realize that being negative isn't the kind of person they want to be and may start to work on becoming more positive.

If you can be higher energy than they are then your energy will most likely start to rub off on those around you instead of the other way around. Also, the less you pay attention to them, the less they'll affect you.

Negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?

I know I will try to remember this advice next time. I will remember to be a positive person like I usually am and I will carry a smile. Hoping that someday it will be contagious!

Friday, October 28, 2011

Fat Talk Free Week

I came across this video this morning. It's a very powerful message.

I'm on board with no more fat talk. It is really sad to think so many of us ingage in this talk on a daily basis. A lot of it is not even realized, that is how common it is. When you comment on a friends weight loss does it not trigger thoughts of you going on your next diet or just cutting back to loose a few pounds. Well I know it does that to me at times. I want to focus on changing how I think because that is when I think I will finally see some progress in my recovery..
Loving youself has to come first. This seems so simple but can be so hard. Please try to start somewhere.
Will you join me in a Fat Talk Free Week?

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Today I want to share some positive quotes. I think it's so important to remember these things. I hope you Have a great day!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Little Taste

I'm trying really hard to practice my Intuitive Eating skills. The one part of this journey that gives me some trouble is not labeling any foods off limits.

As I said earlier I have some food around that it tempting me for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm subconsiously telling myself that I shouldn't have it. I decided to have a peice of each food that I was thinking about. I figured this might prevent a binge later on.

I took 4 cheetos, 2 chips, and 2 small cookies. I took my time eating each one trying to savor it. I really think that helped me today.

I'm not sure why certain days I can be in the house with tons of junk food and not think twice about it, but today it was just calling my name.

I have to be honest. I think that my biggest road block in my recovery is that I truly want to be thinner more than anything. I think this stops me from progressing. I keep trying different methods and nothing seems to work for me.

I even started working out this week after 3 months off. I'm up about 3-4lbs! I'm sorry for the rant but just feeling frustrated here.

Has anyone else out there struggled with binge eating and how were you able to recover? 


Last night Steve and I ran to the store to pick up some snacks for our son. He requested brownies and the hubby wanted sugar cookies. So I got to baking. I also picked up some  cheetos and chips. I know I probably shouldn't even be buying these things because they aren't really good for anyone to eat too often. That is a topice I will save for a future post. Here is the temptaion I'm dealing with today.

Just a note, the brownies only made 9, My son ate two and took one for lunch. I did take one this morning but I didn't plan on it. I woke up and noticed the pan of brownies and instantly wanted to eat like 3 of them...i'm not going to sugar coat it. I controlled myself and just got busy doing something else. I realize that in this Intuitive Eating journey it is recommeded to not deny yourself anything. I have trouble with this. I tend to only binge on sweets so that is scary for me. I have my moments where I could be around goodies and not even think twice about them but today I woke up and the brownies were the first thing on my mind.

I ended up making pancakes for the hubby and decided to have some for breakfast thinking it would give me that something sweet that I was looking for. It didn't work out that way.

I ended up feeling kinda sick after I ate the pancakes and I'm still hungry! No surprise there. I know that pancakes aren't the best breakfast but I guess I gave in once I smelled them cooking.

I decided after breakfast to allow myself one brownie. I'm sitting here now still feeling hungry and also feeling very sluggish. Sometimes this gets frustrating and I just want to honestly eat everything in site. I have to fight really hard today to eat normally and not beat myself up for some bad choices.

Off to feed my neice and have another cup of coffee to try to wake up from this sugar crash! I have a feeling this will be a two post kinda day. Have a great one!

Do you find it hard to control yourself when you have sweets around the house?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Positive Attitude

Today I just felt the need to talk about something that I feel is so important in life. I came across this quote this morning and it's just so true!

This seems so simple yet it is so hard for people to remember. I'm included in those people too : )

I used to be that person that always had something negative to say about others. I think it was just the way I was raised. Of course that is no excuse but it is just the truth. I had such a negative mindset and I really didn't realize just how judgemental I was at times.

I have come so far with my negative attitude. I definately owe my better attitude to my closer relationship with God.

Here are a few scriptures on this topic that are so powerful. Even if you aren't close to God these are words to live by.

Luke 6:37 
 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; 

John 7:24  
Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”

Matthew 7:5 
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

I have come a long way but I definately am no where near perfect. I'm striving to be better and more positive everyday.

I feel that this ties in so much with my emotional eating and binging. The more positive I am the better I do with my eating. 

Do you feel you are a positive person? What helps you to stay positive through struggles? 

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Different views

I attended my cousin's baby shower today.  As everyone filled their plates at the buffet and sat down to eat, I took a look around the room and noticed what everyone else was eating. I think I try to see what everyone else eats because I like to know what each person does to stay thin.

First for myself, I just did my best to choose the foods I really wanted to eat and I ate until I was just full. I was pretty happy with how things went for me today.

Then you have the "Perfect Dieters" I noticed two of these today. They only snacked on nuts that were on the table, and served themselves a plate of salad and veggies.They also had no dessert. How can you go to a party and not have dessert?  I just could never relate to these people. Even in my dieting days I always served myself a small portion of what I liked. I always wonder what these eaters do in private? How can someone always eat so perfect and never want a treat?

You also have the "Dieter on a day off" These are the people that diet during the week and then go off plan on the weekend. This happened to be the person I was seated next to. She couldn't seem to get enough of certain foods. I assume this is because she doesn't allow herself to eat these foods on a daily basis so the need for them grows. - I remember being this person oh so well during my weight watcher days.

I see how some people just talk badly about themselves or talk about how guilty they are for eating cake or carbs and it just saddens me. I wish everyone would see that exercise and all foods in moderation is the way to go.

Trust me I want to be back to my thinner body but I definately don't want to live miserable and feel anxiety when I'm in social situations or feeling in bondage to a diet! I will keep fighting until I get to my happy medium.

How do you handle eating at social events? 

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Thin Within

Today while reading an article from Joyce Meyer about discipline and self control, I was referred to a link for Thin Within.

This is a biblical approach to weight loss. I looked through the site and I think that this is just what I need.
Here is a link to the site if you would like to check it out

I have mentioned before that I have been establishing a closer relationship with God. I have been struggling so much with my weight and my emotional eating and I think this is a perfect way to improve my faith and help me with my eating issues.

As it is said in Philippians 4:19 -And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 

I guess as much as I have gotten close to God I never thought of praying to him for help with my eating issues. I know that might sound silly but it's the truth.

Maybe this is why I have struggled up until now with no progress, God wants me to rely on him for ALL things.

On another note...I think I want a kindle. Within the past year I have enjoyed reading so much and I bet I would read even more if I had one.

I just have to share a new photo of my neice, she got her two bottom teeth and it's just too cute!

Do you think the kindle is worth the investment?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Forgiving yourself

Last night was pretty bad for me. I was emotionally eating and it definately took a toll on me this morning. I couldn't get out of bed and I felt terrible. I didn't realize all of the emotions I'm keeping in.  I guess that is what happens when you have always ate to push away uncomfortable feelings. You don't even know why a lot of the time because it's just second nature.

I have some things that I have never dealt with from my past that are definately holding me back. I just realized that last night. It's funny how things from the past have a way of creeping up on you.

There was a time when my husband and I were not together. We had our son young  I was 19 and he was 22. I had trouble getting things right and we broke up for a couple of years. I did somethings during that time that I'm not proud of. I realized last night that I have not fully forgiven myself for what I did and mostly for the time lost for us as a family.

I love these guys! 

I never thought I would just have one child. Now that my son is 13 and I'm 34 I just don't feel like I'm ready to have another child at this point. I missed out on some family things that we could have done when his Dad and I were separated some years ago and I also missed my time to have another child that could grow up along with my son. I guess I have to just let this all out and accept that this is what it is.

My little boy all grown up  

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. It’s easy to try and hide our mistakes and not think about them, but what we hide has power over us; it can sit there in the back of our minds and fester, eating away at our self-assurance and our sense of God’s love for us, making us wonder if we are truly worthy. We have to let go of our mistakes and forgive ourselves just as God forgives us. And He does forgive us, completely and with no reservations!

I found these six steps to forgiving yourself online. I'm going to try this and hope that this list can also help someone else.

Six Steps Toward Forgiving Yourself

1. Take out a sheet of paper and write your name at the top. Now take some time to think about all of those things you’ve never let go of in your past that you haven’t forgiven yourself for.

2. Write down what those transgressions are and who you hurt; how you hurt them, etc. Was it verbal or physical abuse? Dishonesty? Neglecting someone you cared about? Betrayal? Rejection? Theft? Rape? Lying? Addiction? Adultery?

3. Write down how you feel about yourself because of these unresolved feelings over your past mistakes. Be very honest with yourself. Although you may have made amends or been forgiven by others, do you still feel unworthy? God knows how you feel and He sees your heart. Express on paper how you feel and let the emotions flow – release them!

4. Decide to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision of the will and one of the greatest Gifts from God. He has told us to forgive and that He will give us the power to do so – but it all begins with the decision to do so.

5. Take your list to God and acknowledge your forgiveness to Him. “Lord, I come to You today and give up my unforgiveness. I forgive myself for ____________________. At this moment, I choose not to hold these offenses against myself, but put them into Your Hands. God, heal my emotional wounds and help me to be able to move forward without regrets and help me to let go of the past and start fresh. God give me the ability to offer upliftment and comfort to someone else with the same comfort you have given me. I release my past sins of ____________into Your Hands.”

6. Destroy the list in private. This visual exercise can be very freeing. Whether you decide to shred it, burn it or tear it up and scatter it in the trash, imagine your past mistakes being destroyed and floating away in the same manner.

The Lord doesn’t want us to dwell on what has happened before – our lives as Christians are about who we are now and in the future, walking in forgiveness and love. So give yourself a wonderful gift that is free of charge and yet priceless this year – forgive yourself!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Up and down

So today happens to be that time of the month for me. I have been so up and down with my mood which is definately to be expected during this time.

I would have to say that most women are prone to cravings during this time so I'm not going to be so hard on myself.  Right now I just had two no pudge brownies. I forgot how much I liked these!

I have to say it's definately tough for me to eat Intuitively during this time of the month. I'm tryin to hang in there though.

I'm pretty bored with my food choices these days. I need some healthy lunch ideas?  I get bored with food and if nothing is calling my name I just always end up eating the wrong foods.

I did have a great weekend. We went to a local winery and had a really fun family day.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Intuitive eating update

I started reading Intuitive Eating again. I feel that the past two days have been better already.

I have a bunch of snacks in the house and I have not binged once in two days : )  I find that when I'm not telling myself that any food is forbidden, my desire for that food really does diminish.  I also see that as long as my emotions are in check that  i'm not craving foods to deal with how I feel.

I also notice that if I wake up early enough to do my daily bible reading and prayer I feel so much peace and the day goes so much better for me. I have gotten so close to God over this past year and have found more happiness in everday life because of him. Here are a couple of scriptures that bring me peace....

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” 

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

This morning I baked some pumpkin spice cookies to bring to a friends house tonight. I tried one and haven't even thought of the cookies since. Usually I find myself making multiple trips back to the kitchen to grab a cookie.  

I'm feeling very positive right now. I hope this will continue.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Intuitive Eating

Well today I'm bringing this little guy back into my life : )

As I read the words, get to your natural weight that fits you,  I wonder exactly what that means to me.

When I was a teenager I was always around 145lbs.  I'm 5'6" and I was pretty happy at that weight. Although back in High School I thought I could be thinner.  I was comparing myself to other people i'm sure.

When I lost 33lbs on Weight Watchers 5 years ago I got down to 145. I just couldn't beleive I did it. I realized shortly after getting to goal that 145lbs at age 29 wasn't sustainable anymore.

The truth is I looked good at that weight but I know that if it was my "Natural Weight." I wouldn't have been able to keep the weight off, or at least I think so.

I started binging shortly after I had lost the weight so I can't say for sure that 145 is NOT my natural weight.

All I know is i'm starting this book again and i'm hopeful of the outcome it will bring. I'm very curious what my "Natural Weight" really is?  Most importantly I look forward to getting control of my emotional eating and finding my true hunger for food and for life.

I know this is hard but I know deep down that I don't want anyone dictating to me what and how much I can eat!  I don't want to be one of those girls that is always depriving herself in social situations saying " I can't eat that, I'm dieting."  That used to be me, but no more! I refuse to live that life.

I want to be the true me.  I have to always remind myself that no matter what I weigh now I'm still that same great person and that people love me just the same.

Especially this guy : )

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