Weddings

I come from a huge family and I probably attend at least 3 weddings every year!  It gets overwhelming sometimes because of the expenses but I know that I always enjoy myself.

Since we have a wedding so frequently and because it's always the same family members it makes it challenging to find an outfit each time.  This means finding a different dress for every wedding!

I have my cousins wedding next weekend and I'm trying to decide what to wear.  So I dug way back in my closet and pulled out an older dress that I wore a few years ago. It's long and black and very basic but a classic style. I'm debating on wearing that since it hasn't been worn in a few years or wearing one of the two I just wore last summer?

I don't have a picture of me in the long black dress but here are the other two contenders...what do ya think?

Loved this dress! It was the first dress I have worn in years that made me feel sophisticated and not frumpy. 

This red number just made me feel fun! I received so many compliments that night. I definately felt confident and had a blast!

The difference with this wedding is that it's a Black Tie Optional affair.  I think Hubby is probably renting a tux and I feel if he wears a tux that I should probably wear the long dress.  Here is a shot of it, sorry it's not great but it's all I have for now.

This dress is long but couldn't get the whole dress in this shot : )

Any votes on what would be most appropriate?

Monitoring myself

I started to keep track of my calories this week.  I'm trying to figure out just how much I'm eating and how I can adjust things to help me loose the weight I need to loose.

In the past keeping track of calories or points has gotten me crazy and made me really obessesive.  I don't want that to happen again.  I'm just keeping track of what I eat at least for this week.  I find it very interesting how much my calories have varied from day to day.    I also find it a great tool in seeing how well I'm doing at including all the food groups. 

I have been using http://www.sparkpeople.com to keep track of my calories.  I love this site. It's free and has so many great tools and information about getting healthy.  So far this week my calories are as follows:

Monday - 1419

Tuesday - 2100

Wednesday - 1825 ...this includes dinner tonight but not a snack which I will most likely have : )

I have peeked at the scale and did see a slight drop, but it is still too early for me to say if anything changed for sure.

Do you find that monitoring your calories works for you, or does it drive you crazy?

Beware...Fat talk and complaints ahead!

Today I just wanted to tell you all the things that are currently on my mind.

I have been complaining a lot to my husband about how unhappy and fat I feel and how none of my clothes are fitting. I can button my pants but they are so tight and uncomfortable! Some of you might be able to relate to that feeling.

I tell myself that I'm not buying a size bigger but the the truth is in order for me to feel better about myself and to start treating myself with love and respect, I first have to start with dressing properly so I can feel a little better right now.

I have been pretty much binging again these days, or at least I can say emotionally eating for sure. There are no excuses but I know it is related to my back problems and now I have an injured foot. I feel kinda hopeless because I'm not able to exercise at all! I think this makes me eat more because in my mind I think if I can't do things exactly the way I want I fear it won't work, so what do I do? I sabatoge myself. It makes no sence,  but I realized today that's what is happening. When I'm not eating right I know there is always a reason but sometimes it takes a little digging to find out what it is.

I also went to the bridal shower this weekend and it triggered my jealous thoughts of how bad I wanted to be skinny like all these other girls. When I think like this I get even more down on myself and I end up wanting an instant solution to loosing weight! I went home and started to research different diets. I even told my husband that I was starting something Monday. He said that I say that every Sunday night lol. This is sad but true.

When I finally calm down and get back to reality the truth is I don't want to go on another diet. I really want to loose this weight and feel good again but I just can't bring myself to go on another diet. I just want this to be my own journey. I know that in the end that is the only way this is going to work. I need to make changes that I can stick with. I just haven't been able to figure it all out just yet.

I'm trying so hard not to give up and to keep at this. I have to get rid of this diet mentality and start eating when I'm hungry and trying to take better care of myself.

Maybe that should start with a shopping trip : )

Great weekend with family

So this weekend was a great one. I had a chance to see my in laws and my Husbands Neices and Nephews from Arizona this weekend. It was great seeing them.

I also went to a bridal shower for my cousin's future wife. It was a beautiful outdoor shower. Here are some photos.

I'm not in any of these pictures because I got hurt while at the shower. Someone accidentally stepped on my foot with her heel and messed my foot up, it is a little swollen and all stratched up. Between that and my back I'm pretty pathetic right now : )

So every Monday it seems I have great intentions to start eating better again but it never seems to stick. After going to the shower and seeing all the girls in their cute dresses looking so good, it definately makes think about how unhappy I am with how I look. I feel so out of place at times in those situations.


I have to remember that as much as it bothers me not to be a good healthy weight, that what people really like about me is not what I look like or how much I weigh. It's my personality. I tried my best to fight off those negative thoughts and I tried to be social instead of sitting there and feeling sorry for myself.

I just don't understand why weight is such a big deal to me?? I don't get why it makes or breaks everything for me.

I'm a work in progress....I'm happy with how I have grown so far. I know that one day It will all make sence and fall into place.

Food choices and hunger

I had a great day yesterday with eating well. I always feel better when that happens. Although I ate well I still felt like I was pretty hungry at times.

I feel like I'm eating enough but seem to feel hungry in between meals. I have to say I ignored my small hunger pains because I felt like I was well nourished so I just made sure to drink water and eat every 2-3 hours. I have a couple of photos of what I ate but not all my meals....

Breakfast was 2 mini egg muffins, made with egg beaters spinach and onions and cheese, a half of an whole wheat english muffin with some PB.

Snack was 12 almonds.

Lunch was this - Veggie burger with melted swiss, onions, peppers, brown rice and some pineapple

 

My afternoon snack was some plain greek yogurt with blueberries, cinnamon and walnuts

 

Dinner was Pork roast, steamed asparagus and salad. I had sugar free pudding with cool whip for a snack. 

I got hungry later and had a cheese stick, a 60 calorie bag of something called potato flutes (my mom bought these online very good for that chip craving) and then 2 fla-vor-ice pops. I did get a bit munchy towards the end of the night and not sure why? Does anyone see anything that I could have changed? I just don't know why I still feel pretty hungry. 

Hoping someone has some tips for me : ) 

Positive Changes

So things are looking up for me. I'm sorry for any negativity from last week. I feel like I complained a lot about my back issues but only because I was in so much pain!

I saw the Dr. Friday and he told me that for now I can't exercise : (  and that is tough to swallow. I know that the past couple of weeks I haven't exercised because I just couldn't but still hearing that I CAN'T is different. This is a little upsetting because exercise was the one thing that was making me feel good about  myself, I was feeling stronger and it was putting me in a good mood. Now I have to try to come up with other ways to feel good about myself. I'm going to try walking if I'm able to without causing pain.

The Dr. put me on two medicines for the next month. Good news is so far it is helping ease the pain. I'm so happy for that! I have to go back in a month to see the Dr. and he will reasses things from there. If I'm still in pain he is going to talk about giving me a cortisone shot.

As far as taking care of myself, that has not been going well. I have been soothing my pain with food. This is stopping today! I have talked a little about giving up sugar before because I tend to abuse it. I started that today. I need this right now to get myself and my health under control.

I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm 176lbs, I'm 5'5" and that is just not the weight I should be. I don't feel good about myself and I know my body will be better off without all that pressure on my joints right now. I'm eating more protein and I'm cutting out sugar for this week. I want to see how it will affect me.

Here is to a great week : )

Got My Answer

I received my results for my MRI.....I have two herniated disks as well as a small tear. I'm taking the news pretty well. I have to be positive and keep moving forward.

I truly beleive that there is a reason for EVERYTHING. I know that God is going to make something good come out of this situation. I have a feeling it is God's way of pushing me to really get control of my weight and health once and for all.

Being in pain is really no joke, but I have faith that things will get better. I plan on sticking with my physical therapy and trying to loose some weight to releive some of the pressure. I carry a lot of my weight on my belly so that does put pressure on the back.

Today's breakfast (I'm eating as we speak) is delish! It's egg whites with cheese and diced avacado on a whole wheat wrap...yummy!

Have you ever had an injury, how did you deal with the pain without getting down?

In Pain

I don't have much of a fun weekend to report. I hope everyone enojoyed the holiday weekend. I went for my MRI which was totally fine. I worried so much about it but it was so simple. I had the open MRI which worked out well. I'm awaiting my results today. I just want an answer.

I spent a lot of the weekend in pain. A few times I was brought to tears. I feel so frustrated by this pain and just how depressing it can be. I'm limited to doing things. I feel I'm in more pain sitting at time than with standing. I hope that once I get my answer there will be a way to help me get better! I'm praying that this pain will soon be gone.

I have to admit that the pain has gotten me down and has led me to binge here and there. I think I'm looking for releif of the pain. I have to remember that this is not going to help me at all. I know that more than ever now is such a good time for me to get off this excess weight. My joints will have less pressure with some weight loss. I just can't find the motivation to take better care for myself. I just don't get it.

I'm hoping to have a better week and to think before I try to soothe myself with food.