Feeling in Control

I feel like I have a good hold on the emotional eating this week.  I keep checking in with myself to make sure that my stomach is actually growling before I eat. I think I have mixed up emotional hunger for real hunger for so long.

I'm finding that if I ask myself if my stomach is growling the answer is most times no. I will then get a drink of water and it happens to be thirst, sometimes boredom, or eating out of habit.

I feel like i'm going to stay away from the scale until after the New Year. I feel like when I'm doing well and eating intuitively once I step on the scale it just messes with me. I feel like I'm in a good place with myself and I'm going to enjoy my little treats if I want them for Christmas.

Stuggling

I'm struggling so much with emotional eating lately. I'm not sure if it's the stress around this time of year or what, but I feel like I'm going backwards again.

I have read many books on this topic with hopes of having an instant cure. I know that this is my own journey and I have to do the work. I think books and websites can be helpful, but if i'm not implementing any of the tools, nothing is going to change!

I have done a lot of research this week and I came up with some ways I can try to help myself. Here is goes....

Wait 15 min before you give into a binge - I have tried this once this week and it worked. I had to fight hard with myself, but I beat the binge that night. I gave myself time to figure out what was going on. I went on the computer and reached out to friends on a message board.

Have a list of things to do when you feel the need to binge - I haven't done this, but I'm going to write my list today. If I don't have any plan in place I can't expect to beat it right?

Things to do other than binge 

1. Listen to music

2. Take a shower/bath 

3. Go on the computer 

4. Journal my feelings 

5. Go for a walk/ visit or call a friend


I also would like to start either making jewelry or knitting. I hear that these things help and are fun and rewarding at the same time.

I have a lot of trouble following through with goals for some reason. I'm trying hard to keep myself accountable and hoping for the best. 

How do you fight off emotional eating? 

Things have been looking up for me. I have had a way better week. I'm exercising again and enjoying it, and I'm eating mostly only when I'm hungry.

As of this week it's that time of the month, so things are a little off, but I understand why. It was also my son's birthday today so there was an abundance of sweets.

Tomorrow I will feel like I can get back into my routine after today's celebration. I was so buy and also having some cramps so I passed on exercise today.

I did see a picture of myself tonight and I wasn't too happy with it. I felt chubby to be honest. I will do my best to leave it at that and not think too much about it. I'm doing my best right now and I want to be kinder to myself.

Here is to a better day tomorrow.

Binge Eating

I have been binge eating or more so emotional eating lately. I was told by someone to wait 15 minutes once you have the feeling to binge and just try to figure out what is going on that is making you want to binge.

I really didn't think it was possible for me. If you are a binge eater you know the feeling of anxiety and panic that just suddenly comes over you, your hunger level shoots up to level 10 in minutes.

 This happened last night as I was packing up my families lunches. I walked out of the kitchen and forced myself to sit there and journal it out. Guess what? It worked!! I felt so great. The feeling subsided and I was calm again. I'm not sure what was making me eat, but the good thing is I was able to stop it in it's tracks.

I will be using this tool as I see how well it does work. In the moment before a binge you feel so powerless, but that is obviously not true. I'm in control!

I even noticed a slight drop in the scale this morning which tells me that when I follow the principals of Intuitive Eating the scale moves. I know I have pretty much maintained this weight for about 2 years, but I also know that my bouts of emotional/binge eating have held me back from reaching my body's natural weight.

Here is to another great day!

Bad Week

I will be straight forward, I'm pmsing and just not feeling myself. I have been eating emotionally or more so binge eating again. I can't say when the last time was that I binged before this week.

I feel so lost and out of control. Usually my eating habits change during the week before my cycle, but this feels way beyond my control lately. Just before writing this I had checked my cabinets about 10 times trying to talk myself out of shoving something else in my mouth.

Right now I realize that food isn't what I need. I'm bored, extremely sleepy and really just need rest. I didn't have a productive day. I spent way too much time on the computer. I usually feel useless when I do that, but it's done and tomorrow is a redo right?

Hurricane Sandy

We were hit pretty hard by Sandy here in New York. It's so terribly sad to see so many people that have lost everything. I'm so grateful to say we only lost power for two days. Other than that a tree just missed my apartment door by a foot or so thank God for that!

This is the view we had

The hard part is just picking up the pieces and getting back to normal.  We are now in the panic stage here and people are on line for over 2 hours for gas. We are currently just about out of gas and are hoping they deliver some more soon! The good thing is that my hubby can catch the bus in front of our complex for work if needed...Thank God! This is a time to reflect and really appreciate the little things in life that we all take for granted. 

I have been emotionally eating this past week because of the anxiety and heart break of this storm. I can't use this as an excuse though. 

 

At Peace

I have been very relaxed and peaceful (Thank God) the past few days. This seminar with Matthew Kelly has really gotten me focused. I feel like I'm getting things done and I have felt a lot more energy and drive.

I have been meditating for 10 min for the past 2 days. I have tried to do this in the past and never stuck with it. It does take time and focus, but I feel like the benefits are so worth it. It just takes some getting used to.

Today I tried to make a dessert, but it was a flop. I had the keebler mini graham crusts and I tried to make apple crisp...fail! It just didn't come out right. I didn't have flour so I made the crumble topping without it and I think that was the problem. It was just not what I was hoping for. I will have to try again. I love those little crusts, I'm thinking of trying a pumpkin cheese cake or pie next week...stay tuned.

Living With Passion and Purpose

This weekend I attended a seminar with Matthew Kelly called Living With Passion and Purpose. I really enjoyed it. I received a little good bag, love those! I have a copy of Matthew's new book Off Balance http://www.amazon.com/Off-Balance-Work-Life-Professional-Satisfaction/product-reviews/159463081X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1. I'm going to start reading this today!

At the seminar he covered many topics. In a nutshell it boils down to being the best version of yourself. I feel more focused and equipped with set guidelines to really start to makes moves instead of saying I'm going to.

He mentioned how many people say that don't know what their purpose in life is. I'm one of those people for  sure. He said it's in the silence that God speaks to us. If we spend 10 min a day in the school of silence as he calls it, we will find more peace to hear from God as to what we should be doing in life.

I wanted to share a few quotes he mentioned that I enjoyed.


" If you are what you should be you will set the world on fire" - St. Catherine

"When we switch the focus off ourselves to other our lives become a dance for joy" Matthew Kelly

"Every journey towards something is a journey away from something" Matthew Kelly


Remember to ask yourself this question as it relates to everything you do in live - Will this bring out the best version of myself?



Enjoy your week!

Bump In The Road

I said I would be back daily to write things that I'm grateful for, but life got a little crazy for me.

There was an incident with my Son. I don't really want to get into it here, but with that said things were pretty bad for a couple of weeks. I do believe that things happen for a reason. My Husband and I learned from this experience. I'm looking at life a little differently, but in a good way.

As far as my eating goes, when I get very stressed my appetite turns off. That is probably the only time that it does turn off  : ) 

I lost a couple of pounds during this stressful time. I know it's not the best way to do it. I realized that when I'm stressed I don't think about food, I'm too focused on the problem at hand. This makes me realize that I can eat like a normal person. I know that it's possible because when I'm stressed I only think of food when I'm starving! I just wish I could do that on a normal day.

I have resumed my normal eating since the stress has subsided. Normal eating sometimes means eating too many sweets out of boredom, or worry like I did today.  Hoping to get this eating thing worked out someday soon.

grat·i·tude   

The quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful:

 

I struggle with the concept of gratitude. I feel like I'm thankful and grateful, but I always seems to slip back into complaining and being negative.  I never really get it.  I'm trying to work on this. I have so much to be thankful for.

 

I seem to always start projects or have ideas, but never see them through.  That is going to end today!  I'm going to start a gratitude journal. I think this is a good way to remember the little things in life that we often forget.  

 

 

If you have sometime, please watch this video. This is the reason that I'm writing about this topic today.  

Today I'm grateful that I can sit home and relax....since I had a busy day yesterday

I'm grateful for my beautiful family who loves me no matter what

I'm grateful to see the sun come out and feel the cool breeze through my windows

Arsenic In Rice

I know this might be a little late since the new about Arsenic in Rice came out last week, but I haven't really had time to blog until now.

I'm not sure that I want to eat rice in any form after hearing the news. I just recently purchased a 10lb bag of rice since it was on sale. I figured I always use it and it was a great deal and would last a while. Now, I have not idea what to do.

Dr. Oz stated that if you eat rice you should rinse if first and then boil it in six times the water, draining all water out once it's cooked. I feel that is a lot to do just to eat rice and not sure if it's worth it. Once something gets into my head that's it!

What do you think of this news, and how are you handling it?

Eczema

I was told a few month ago by the Dermatologist that I had eczema on my finger. It was a constant dry scaly patch on my finger. At first I thought it was dry skin, but it just got worse.

I used the medication that was prescribed for 2 weeks and it got better. It has started coming back now. Something told me to do some research. I came across a few sites that claim it eczema could be caused by certain foods such as, dairy, wheat, grains, and sugar.

I love all of them! I can't image really living without any of these foods, but at the same time I feel like one of them could be the problem. The only way for me to find out is to just cut back on these three one at a time and see if I notice any changes. I'm starting with dairy. So I will see how it goes.

The thing that bothers me most is that I just went for a physical and had blood work, I'm completely healthy! Ugh, just don't get it. I'm hoping I get some answers soon. For now I'm trying to figure this out on my own before going back to the Dr. I started using the cream again.

On another note, I haven't binged or emotionally eaten at all this week. I'm really fighting to eat only when I'm hungry.

Food rut

So the title of this post says it all, I'm in a big time food rut! I just have lost the desire for the foods I was once enjoying. I don't like when I get like this. I just need to try some new things and some new recipes.

I'm going to check out some blogs for some new recipes or healthy snacks for this week.

I finally let go of those negative feelings that came along with the family drama that was going on...thank God! I realize that emotions and stress will always be part of life. I have to remember to give myself credit for how far I have come.

One thing I notice has changed about me is, I now have a voice. I might let things stress me and will emotionally eat at times, but once I figure it out I'm able to speak up about my feelings. That used to be impossible for me. I would just take all the negativity out on myself.

I know i'm not where I want to be just yet, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!

At a standstill

It's been a while since I've blogged. I just haven't had the motivation to be honest. I really was in a groove for a while with eating well and I even started to loose some weight.

It was all good until I had a family argument and then I started emotionally eating again...big time! I haven't been on a roll like this in quite sometime...sad to say. I'm no longer taking my feelings out on myself. This week I'm fighting to only eat when I'm truly hungry. It sounds easy, but not for an emotional eater.

I don't want to be a downer, but at times I wonder if I will ever break this bad habit? I know that I will, but sometimes my head wants to tell me I won't. I'm a fighter, and I'm not giving up.

Here are some photos of my summer thus far...it has been a great one!

Add caption

Back to the routine

Well, I tried something new. It didn't work, but I gave it a shot. I worked for a week at the new job and it didn't seem to be working. My boss said I wasn't catching as quick as I should be, making the same mistakes. She said it's a very tedious job and not for everyone. I was having a little bit of anxiety over it I have to to admit. I felt like working and babysitting all day was a lot on me and my family. My husband had to come home from work tired, and cook and iron and pack lunches for the next day. I felt for a lot of reasons it wasn't working out.

Although I feel relieved I still feel in the back of my mind that I should have stuck it out. I have to remember that in my heart I just knew it wasn't the job for me. I deserve to be happy and not to settle for a job just for the money. I have done that in the past and it was never worth it.

I haven't been treating my body well through this transition. I have been eating emotionally for weeks now. I know that I'm doing it, but I feel like I'm just letting it happen. I know things will get back to normal soon, but I still feel a bit panicked about money. Like I need to run out and find another job. My thoughts are just all over the place.

I have been happy being home, money has been tight, but I was ok with it. Since I had this job offer I  feel like maybe I'm not ok with money being tight. I just have to really sit and figure out what I want to do.

I want to be there to help my sister with babysitting, but I do feel that we need some extra income. It's hard to find something that will work for both of those situations. I guess I have to have some faith and be patient and remember that something will turn up in time. 

Old habits

I found a lump on my breast this past week. I was stressing about it and waiting on the results of my mamo/sono. Of course I ate and I ate to relieve the stress. I should know better that it doesn't help!

I haven't used food in a while to deal with stress. It really got the best of me. I feel bloated and terrible. I'm going on vacation today and I didn't want to leave like this feeling crappy, but it is what it is. Thank God my results came back normal! So happy for that, so hopefully now I can resume my normal eating habits.

Of course my patience is being tested because I woke up to a clogged toilet this morning. So now I'm off to the store to buy a plunger. I don't know why I never had one.

How do you handle stress? Does stress make you eat?

Change is coming

I found out that I got the job! I'm pretty excited about it! I'm doing my best to take things one day at at time. I know it's a great opportunity for my family and I.

Like all things in life there will be an adjustment period, but I'm ready to take it on. I know change has always been so hard for me, but I'm going to embrace it. I know that this will give us the help we need and also will help me to grow as a person.

On another note, I have manged to loose some weight which is great. I feel that I'm in a good place for the most part. I have more to loose and seem to be at a stand still for the moment, but I know it won't be for long.

How do you handle change?

Fear of change

I haven't been that consistent on my blog these days. I just like to pop in when I really feel the need to share something. It works better for me that way.

As some of you may know, I stay home and babysit my niece Mon- Thurs. for income. It's not much, but it takes care of the food shopping. I enjoy it and I also enjoy the flexibility it gives me to be home for my son. I also get Friday to get errands done. It works out well and I can enjoy the weekend with my family.

We get by, we rarely have extra money. We do have to do without somethings like, clothes or going out. We are pretty much ok with that and have learned to really work with what we have and be happy. With that said, of course having a little more would be very helpful.

I applied for a part time job at the library back in Jan. and they called me for an interview this past Monday. I think it went well and now it's just the waiting game.

It sounds great, but of course my fear kicked in after the interview and I have been panicking. I have a big fear of change, always have. I usually run at the site of things being scary. Fear feels like it's paralyzing me honestly! I feel like there is no way that I can go back to working. I have a full day as it is here, I'm just so nervous.

I went through so many emotions the past few days. I finally prayed on it and accepted that if it is meant to be God will give me the job, and give me the strength to do it! If I don't get it I will accept that.

I have to say I have realized just how much our thoughts get in the way. I want to push past this fear and come out stronger. I know it will be worth it if I do. I know I will grow.

Feeling Good

I didn't realize that it was happening, but for the past couple of weeks I was getting sucked back into the diet mentality.

I heard of a friend following the paleo diet. I let a lot of the studies about this plan get to me. I honestly got into a panic and felt like I was going to get sick if I ate grains or sugar. I started following the plan for about a week. I did loose a few pounds. I was happy with that since the scale hasn't budged for me in quite sometime, but I did learn a couple of things.

I realized that I do get a bit sensitive to carbs such as anything made with white flour. I was happy to learn this about myself so I can try to incorporate more whole wheat based dishes into my diet. I really hadn't been good about doing that until now.

Also, I learned that anytime I restrict one food, I also end up with a binge. Of course this happened.

I'm back on track now. I went shopping stocked up my  kitchen with tons of fruit, veggies, nuts, greek yogurt and lean protein. I feel really great and I'm maintaining that weight loss so far. The best part is that I don't feel like I'm going by the rules of a diet plan, I'm making my own rules and that is just what works for me.

I went back to shopping at Trader Joe's this week. I forgot how much I loved that place! I need some more healthy snack ideas though. 

What are you favorite healthy snacks?

Carbs and sugar

For many years I have heard from people that sugar and carbs can cause you to binge eat. I just didn't believe it. I still continue to try and eat everything in moderation as I believe that telling myself I CAN'T have a certain food seems to make me want it more. Although, that is still somewhat true I think I have some proof that carbs and sugar do trigger more cravings for me.

I decided last week to try to stay away from sugar in the form of treats, I still ate yogurt and fruit. I didn't eat bread or any other carbs like rice, potatoes or cereal. I couldn't believe how different I felt! I no longer was craving a sweet right after dinner. I also didn't finish a meal and feel so full, or that foggy tired feeling. That is what kept me going, I just felt pretty great.

Since then Easter came so I did eat some pasta, some dessert and I did feel a difference. I was bloated, tired and craved more of that food.  Yesterday was really spent as an all out binge! I ate so much crap I can't even tell you. I don't know if it was really a true craving or more of me just trying to prove to myself that I can still eat that stuff. 

All I know is that I did feel better without eating the carbs. I feel like this week I want to eat less carbs and see where that gets me.

I guess this is what it really means to honor your body, and do what feels right for you. We all haven't different reactions to foods. We all have to do what is best for our body. I don't know exactly what that is right now, but I think i'm getting closer.

The dreaded scale

Why is it that everytime I feel like I'm doing so well I have the urge to step on the scale just to prove something to myself?

I guess it's no surprise that the number very much disappointed me today. I really feel like I have been doing well and it's up 2-3lbs. I know the usual reasons that this can happen, I did start working out again this week so I'm sure that could be it, also It could be water weight...bla bla : ) 

It still got me down a bit though. It will not change my course, but definately made me FEEL different. Before getting on I felt thinner.

Why did I bother getting on at all. I wish I was able to just leave the scale alone. Any tips on how to do that?

Stay Strong

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Trailer-for-Demi-Lovato-s-Documentary-Stay-Strong-Drops-254713.shtml

Today I wanted to talk about the Demi Lovato Documentary...Stay Strong.  I really like her before, but now Love her even more!

I think she was so brave to share her story to the world. It is not often that celebrities admit their faults. It does makes me very sad to see just how much pressure hollywood can have on body image. It really upsets me just how much the desire to be thin ruins so many young girls lives.

She is a great example of real recovery.  She is working towards being healthy and admits that it doesn't mean she is perfect.

That is the key to anyone that struggles with an eating disorder. I have come to realize that some days I struggle, and some days are great. I think it's all about how you recover from the fall that makes the difference. It keeps getting easier as you go through it.

I have been struggling on and off the past two weeks. I have eaten emotionally a few times. I used to beat myself up over this, but now I just see the next day as a new start. I forgive myself and move on. Do I need to loose weight, yes, but I just refuse to put my body through another diet. If it's not a way that I can live with forever I can't get caught up in doing it.

Real Life

Real Life means that you aren't always perfect, at least to me it does. I posted last about being in a really good place with my relationship to food.  That is still true, but it doesn't mean that things don't creep back in on some days.

I tend to get these "diet" thoughts every now and then. I hear about someone on some "diet" and I kinda get hooked into the idea and it ends up making me eat emotionally, or binge. In my head I start thinking about going on a "diet" and it makes me feel deprived just thinking about it. I imagine not being able to eat certain foods such as sugar anymore and I end up eating them more and obsessing over food even more!

I admit, that I catch myself and recover much sooner than in the past so, that is something I'm so proud of.

I talked with a blogger friend last night through email regarding her take on eating sugar and binging and I just wanted to share a post from her blog that I thought was very helpful to me.


http://www.christieinge.com/intuitive-eating-sugar/ _ Christie is awesome!


I realize that for me sugar tends to be a problem. I love Christie's idea of a food mood journal! I plan on keeping one for myself to really get to the bottom of my issues with sugar. Christie reminded me that part of Intuitive Eating is to really listen to your body for EVERYTHING! I don't know why I forgot that the same goes when figuring out how I feel when eating sugar.

I can't go by so and so who is following a carb free, sugar free way off living....that might be good for so and so, but I have to find my own way. Thanks again Christie!

Cake in the morning

I have to stop in when something seems important for me to share.  This morning was one of those times.

This morning I ate my breakfast which was a banana and a small tortilla with eggs, tomato and cheese. I wasn't as satisfied this morning, and still felt hungry.

My sister dropped off the baby this morning and brought me a half of a cake she baked. Right away I wanted a piece. The cake was on my mind for about 10 minutes. I kept telling myself you can have a piece later, but the truth is I was hungry and cake sounded good to me at that moment so I went for it. I feel satisfied now.

This is what listening to your body is all about. Some mornings you want some cake and that's ok, your body will never fail to tell you want it wants and needs. It's your emotions that are evil  and get in the way : )

As long as I know that I'm not eating for an emotion and I'm truly at peace with eating what I'm about to eat it, always feels right.

I decided to make Friday's my official weigh in day of the week. I was getting way too dependent on the scale multiple times a day. I put it away for now and I'm taking it out once a week to check in. I'm trying my best to not get hung up on the number. Either way I'm eating better, exercising and trying to manage my emotions. What more can I do?

I'm happy with where I am right now.

Have a wonderful day!!

TEDxChandler - Michelle May - Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat

This video just says it perfectly.

Popping in to say hello

I haven't posted in a while. I don't really have a reason either. I guess I just haven't had much that I wanted to share.

I have been doing very well these days. I think after all this time (about a year) and hard work, I finally got it! I think I understand what my body needs and doesn't need, when I'm full and when I'm really hungry. Not to sound cocky, I know nothing is ever perfect, but I know that I feel like I'm in a great place.

I finally see a drop in the scale. It read 167.6 this morning! I have not see that number in a few years. I know it's not all about the numbers, but as some of you know I am actively trying to loose some weight. I also fit into a pair of jeans that I haven't fit into for quite some time! I'm feeling pretty proud.

Thanks to all the family and friends that have helped me through the good and bad....xoxox

Happy Friday!!!

Moving on

Today I got a little stressed and allowed myself to find relief in a piece of cake and a munchkin.  It happend, but I learned from it.

I learned that I was seeking release from frustration. I consciously took out the cake and first said I would have a bite, I went back for another bite which turned into a piece and a munchkin. I'm fine about it and I'm moving on now. I have already forgiven myself for not dealing with the stress properly.

Besides being stressed I was also pretty hungry. I was babysitting my niece and nephew and things got hectic so I didn't have a chance to grab my morning snack. So my nephew left and my niece is sleeping so I grabbed the first sweet treat I could see.

My lunch is now heating up so hopefully once I get a good meal in me I will be back to myself. I just read this morning in the book The Rules of Normal Eating, that even normal eaters mess up and even they overeat sometimes. So with that in mind I will not be hard on myself for this. I guess it's just a part of life sometimes right?

Scattered thoughts

I haven't posted much lately. Every time I went to compose a post I was just at a loss for words. I'm doing really well these days. I feel that I'm in control of my hunger/fullness at least 70% of the time which is a great accomplishment.

Upon recommendation by Marisa I went to the library and took out the book The rules of Normal Eating. I'm enjoying it so far and I'm sure I will be almost done reading it by the end of the week.

I tried pilates today and really enjoyed it for a change. I thought it wasn't doing much at first, but realized that I was using muscles that I hadn't used before : )

My camera broke so most of my pictures these days are on a camera phone which isn't so great.


I heard  a quote today that I fell in love with...Don't just talk about it BE about it. I love it and that is now my mantra for 2012. This is the year I'm getting things done. I'm not going to continue to say I want to or I wish or I should have, I'm taking action this year my friends!