At a standstill

It's been a while since I've blogged. I just haven't had the motivation to be honest. I really was in a groove for a while with eating well and I even started to loose some weight.

It was all good until I had a family argument and then I started emotionally eating again...big time! I haven't been on a roll like this in quite sometime...sad to say. I'm no longer taking my feelings out on myself. This week I'm fighting to only eat when I'm truly hungry. It sounds easy, but not for an emotional eater.

I don't want to be a downer, but at times I wonder if I will ever break this bad habit? I know that I will, but sometimes my head wants to tell me I won't. I'm a fighter, and I'm not giving up.

Here are some photos of my summer thus far...it has been a great one!

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Back to the routine

Well, I tried something new. It didn't work, but I gave it a shot. I worked for a week at the new job and it didn't seem to be working. My boss said I wasn't catching as quick as I should be, making the same mistakes. She said it's a very tedious job and not for everyone. I was having a little bit of anxiety over it I have to to admit. I felt like working and babysitting all day was a lot on me and my family. My husband had to come home from work tired, and cook and iron and pack lunches for the next day. I felt for a lot of reasons it wasn't working out.

Although I feel relieved I still feel in the back of my mind that I should have stuck it out. I have to remember that in my heart I just knew it wasn't the job for me. I deserve to be happy and not to settle for a job just for the money. I have done that in the past and it was never worth it.

I haven't been treating my body well through this transition. I have been eating emotionally for weeks now. I know that I'm doing it, but I feel like I'm just letting it happen. I know things will get back to normal soon, but I still feel a bit panicked about money. Like I need to run out and find another job. My thoughts are just all over the place.

I have been happy being home, money has been tight, but I was ok with it. Since I had this job offer I  feel like maybe I'm not ok with money being tight. I just have to really sit and figure out what I want to do.

I want to be there to help my sister with babysitting, but I do feel that we need some extra income. It's hard to find something that will work for both of those situations. I guess I have to have some faith and be patient and remember that something will turn up in time. 

Old habits

I found a lump on my breast this past week. I was stressing about it and waiting on the results of my mamo/sono. Of course I ate and I ate to relieve the stress. I should know better that it doesn't help!

I haven't used food in a while to deal with stress. It really got the best of me. I feel bloated and terrible. I'm going on vacation today and I didn't want to leave like this feeling crappy, but it is what it is. Thank God my results came back normal! So happy for that, so hopefully now I can resume my normal eating habits.

Of course my patience is being tested because I woke up to a clogged toilet this morning. So now I'm off to the store to buy a plunger. I don't know why I never had one.

How do you handle stress? Does stress make you eat?

Change is coming

I found out that I got the job! I'm pretty excited about it! I'm doing my best to take things one day at at time. I know it's a great opportunity for my family and I.

Like all things in life there will be an adjustment period, but I'm ready to take it on. I know change has always been so hard for me, but I'm going to embrace it. I know that this will give us the help we need and also will help me to grow as a person.

On another note, I have manged to loose some weight which is great. I feel that I'm in a good place for the most part. I have more to loose and seem to be at a stand still for the moment, but I know it won't be for long.

How do you handle change?

Fear of change

I haven't been that consistent on my blog these days. I just like to pop in when I really feel the need to share something. It works better for me that way.

As some of you may know, I stay home and babysit my niece Mon- Thurs. for income. It's not much, but it takes care of the food shopping. I enjoy it and I also enjoy the flexibility it gives me to be home for my son. I also get Friday to get errands done. It works out well and I can enjoy the weekend with my family.

We get by, we rarely have extra money. We do have to do without somethings like, clothes or going out. We are pretty much ok with that and have learned to really work with what we have and be happy. With that said, of course having a little more would be very helpful.

I applied for a part time job at the library back in Jan. and they called me for an interview this past Monday. I think it went well and now it's just the waiting game.

It sounds great, but of course my fear kicked in after the interview and I have been panicking. I have a big fear of change, always have. I usually run at the site of things being scary. Fear feels like it's paralyzing me honestly! I feel like there is no way that I can go back to working. I have a full day as it is here, I'm just so nervous.

I went through so many emotions the past few days. I finally prayed on it and accepted that if it is meant to be God will give me the job, and give me the strength to do it! If I don't get it I will accept that.

I have to say I have realized just how much our thoughts get in the way. I want to push past this fear and come out stronger. I know it will be worth it if I do. I know I will grow.

Feeling Good

I didn't realize that it was happening, but for the past couple of weeks I was getting sucked back into the diet mentality.

I heard of a friend following the paleo diet. I let a lot of the studies about this plan get to me. I honestly got into a panic and felt like I was going to get sick if I ate grains or sugar. I started following the plan for about a week. I did loose a few pounds. I was happy with that since the scale hasn't budged for me in quite sometime, but I did learn a couple of things.

I realized that I do get a bit sensitive to carbs such as anything made with white flour. I was happy to learn this about myself so I can try to incorporate more whole wheat based dishes into my diet. I really hadn't been good about doing that until now.

Also, I learned that anytime I restrict one food, I also end up with a binge. Of course this happened.

I'm back on track now. I went shopping stocked up my  kitchen with tons of fruit, veggies, nuts, greek yogurt and lean protein. I feel really great and I'm maintaining that weight loss so far. The best part is that I don't feel like I'm going by the rules of a diet plan, I'm making my own rules and that is just what works for me.

I went back to shopping at Trader Joe's this week. I forgot how much I loved that place! I need some more healthy snack ideas though. 

What are you favorite healthy snacks?

Carbs and sugar

For many years I have heard from people that sugar and carbs can cause you to binge eat. I just didn't believe it. I still continue to try and eat everything in moderation as I believe that telling myself I CAN'T have a certain food seems to make me want it more. Although, that is still somewhat true I think I have some proof that carbs and sugar do trigger more cravings for me.

I decided last week to try to stay away from sugar in the form of treats, I still ate yogurt and fruit. I didn't eat bread or any other carbs like rice, potatoes or cereal. I couldn't believe how different I felt! I no longer was craving a sweet right after dinner. I also didn't finish a meal and feel so full, or that foggy tired feeling. That is what kept me going, I just felt pretty great.

Since then Easter came so I did eat some pasta, some dessert and I did feel a difference. I was bloated, tired and craved more of that food.  Yesterday was really spent as an all out binge! I ate so much crap I can't even tell you. I don't know if it was really a true craving or more of me just trying to prove to myself that I can still eat that stuff. 

All I know is that I did feel better without eating the carbs. I feel like this week I want to eat less carbs and see where that gets me.

I guess this is what it really means to honor your body, and do what feels right for you. We all haven't different reactions to foods. We all have to do what is best for our body. I don't know exactly what that is right now, but I think i'm getting closer.