Monday, September 12, 2011
I have been back to my binging ways lately. I have been feeling a little bit down. I know when I binge something is up with me that isn't right. I don't always know what is going on but I think I realize now.
I went back to work when my son was about 2 years old. I was lucky to have the first couple of years at home with him. I wanted to be with home with him so badly once I had to go back to work. Now fast forward almost 14 years later. I'm no longer working. I left my job back in November and now I babysit my neice. I'm able to make a little money while still being home for my son.
I have been watching my neice for about 3-4 months now. I realized the other day that this isn't fufilling me. I feel that there is something else I should be doing with my life. I wanted to be home all this time but now that I'am it kinda feels like I don't have a purpose like I did when I was working. It's funny to hear myself say this because I'm the girl that always hated working and complained about it and stressed about it constatly.
I beleive that there are other factors that contribute to my funk right now. I would say that money is a huge part too. I'm making a quarter of what I was making before which definately plays a part. Because we are making less, and because I'm home now we downsized to one car. It was fine at first, but sometimes I think it bothers me to be stuck in the house with the baby all day. I don't want to come across as a complainer or ungrateful at all, but I had to get this off my chest.
I tend to look at the ahead and when I think about being in the house day in and day out until the baby is going to school it kinda makes me get down about things. My sister doesn't have things easy so now that I commited to watching the baby I really can't stop now. She can't afford anything more than what she is paying me.
Don't get me wrong I love this little girl but I need some more fufillment. I think that the only way for me to make some happiness for myself right now is to try to get a night job possibly or a hobby or job to do from home. I want to feel like I have more of a purpose and some goals in life.
Was there ever a time in your life that you commited to something you couldn't get out of at the time, how did you deal with that?