Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Where did she go?

Last night Steve and I went through some old photos from our honeymoon and wedding.  I was doing Weight Watchers about 6 months before the wedding and lost 33lbs for the big day.

I was so dedicated and for the first time ever I was able to stick to a diet without binging. Each week I got a great feeling from seeing that scale drop.  I finally made my goal weight and lifetime right before the wedding


I was able to get a dress that showed off my new shape and I was happy to be at a healthy weight.  I really thought I had it all figured out.

I went to my bachelorette party and was able to wear a form fitting shirt that showed off my waist. Everyone was complimenting me.  I was proud because I set out to do something and I did it.

Little did I know that I didn't have things all figured out.  I enjoyed the festivities but shortly after the wedding the weight started to creep back on.  I started to binge as early as one week after the honeymoon.

I remember sneaking peices of our wedding cake amoung other things.  I just couldn't take it anymore. I really think that I was under a lot of pressure (pressure I put on myself) to be thin for the wedding and after it was all over I was releived. I went back to living how I was before.

I gained all my weight back and it is now 5 years later and I still haven't lost any weight.  One thing that has changed is my inner self.  I have been through a lot of changes and some up's and down's since then. I have grown as a person and have become close to God.  I'm learning and growing everyday.

Of course I look at those pictures and I wish I was that "skinnygirl" again.  But the truth is I wouldn't change anything that has happened because it has made me who I am now. I want to be thinner and healhier but I also want my inner self to match how I look on the outside.  This is taking a little more time than before but I'm ok with that because I want changes that will last.

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