Thursday, June 30, 2011

Goals revisited

Wow! It's the end of June already. I can't beleive how time flew by. I wanted to give an update on my goals for the month. I'm really happy with how things turned out this month.

I gave up the scale - this was probably the hardest of all the goals. I did hop on 2 or 3 times but hey that's still better than 3 times or more a day right? I beleive my weight has gone down from what it was so that's a good thing. I want to limit my weighing to once a week right now. I will reasses this next month. 

I vowed to do 2-3 strength training workouts a week - Check for this one! I kept up with this and I even got a compliment from my sis that my butt looks lifted  : ) 

I said I would finish reading my book- I did get 3/4 of the way through. This wasn't really a serious goal but sometimes I start reading and I slack off too much that I take too long to finish. 

I also said I would do better at being in touch with friends/family - Check for this as well. I have to force myself to do this sometimes. It's not that I don't want to talk to people it's just that I'm used to be a depressed person in my past and I guess when you are down you tend to avoid people. No more of that for me!

I wanted to wake up earlier for my prayer/reading time- Up until this week I have accomplished this goal. I have to start getting my butt in bed earlier so I can start waking up on time again!

So overall I'm very pleased with the results of my goals this month. I will continue to keep up with these goals.

Delay Gratification | Shrink Yourself

Delay Gratification | Shrink Yourself

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My nerves are getting the best of me

I have an appoitment set for Satruday morning for an MRI on my back. I'm pretty nervous about getting through the test. My pain has been worse over the past two weeks so this is why I have to have further testing. I realized that the past two days I have been over eating because of my nerves. When I start to binge and crave certain foods like chips or sweets I know that something is up.

I can't use being nervous as an excuse to keep this eating up, but not sure how to stop. Until Saturday gets here I have to try to find other ways to manage my nerves. I feel like maybe this food journal is not the best idea for me either. I had high hopes of trying to eat a little better but I think it makes me feel too much like diet.

I can't feel like I'm on a diet because if I mess up than I end up eating more to punish myself. I think that is what is happening over these past two days also.

I promise to come and write in my journal or to get busy doing something else like blogging or cleaning or taking a walk before I will let myself binge again.

Being in pain is pretty frustrating because it gets in the way of the little daily things I do. I'm not giving up though, I will keep fighting through this and I know that things will work out.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Wow! Nutella is really evil : )  I just tried it for the first time today. I can't beleive how good it is but it's definately not something I can keep around. I decided to get rid of it today and I made some cookies from the rest of the jar.

They were made from 1 cup nuteall, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 cup flour and 1 egg, I added an extra egg because the batter seemed too thick. I don' t know if I would do that again. I baked them for 9 min @350 degrees. They taste just like brownies to me with the crunch edge but the center is really chewy. 

So today wasn't the best with eating as you can see. Here is what I ate today before the Nutella fiasco...

It all started this morning when I decided to have Nutella on an english muffin. I realized then that I started my day off wrong. I realized how much sugar is in this stuff and now I know better that it's not going to bring out the best in me. When I have sugar at the start of the day I just don't eat well the rest of the day. 

I had a cheese stick and two slices of Boars Head Chicken breast mid morning

For lunch I had leftovers - turkey meatloaf, mashed potoatoes and corn...I see a pattern going on here.

Then snack today had to include tortilla chips with my hummus and carrots. I was just craving sugar and carbs all day. 

Then I made the cookies, I had one spoon of batter and about 3 cookies so far. 

Dinner is going to be steak on the grill with veggies and salad. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. 

I see now that writing this here is helping already to see what works for my body and what doesn't. 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Food Journal

So I started journaling my food. I think it definately makes me think about making better choices but I have to watch myself from getting too crazy with trying to figure out the calories of things. I did jot down calories for most of the things I ate out of habit from the diet days. I'm trying to loose weight but I can't do it in an unhealthy way for myself.  Here is goes....

Breakfast- Coffee x2 with sugar and milk
Oatmeal made with milk, blueberries and cinnamon

Lunch- Chicken with onions and peppers, brown rice
wanted something sweet after lunch so made a smoothie from a banana, blueberries and yogurt

Snack - Cheese stick, hummus with carrots, 6 almonds ...I usually have a larger snack on days when I go to therapy to hold me over until I get back to eat dinner.

Dinner- Turkey meatloaf, corn and a scoop of mashed potatoes, salad

Going to watch a movie with the hubby and I plan on eating a 160 calorie ice cream sandwich and a  bag of 100 cal popcorn.

I feel like I ate pretty healthy but not sure whey I still feel like I ate way too much today.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Computer Crash

My computer crashed and is finally up and running again. I was kinda lost without it. I really think that not having acess to a computer this week really made me notice just how much time I spend using it and also how much I depend on it as part of my daily routine.

I know we are in times where everything is electronic but still I feel like I need to regulate my time on the computer. I think I was taking my computer time before doing other daily chores that really needed to be done. I made better use of my time without the computer and I even spent more time with my family.

We also had a crazy week otherwise. We got hit in the parking lot while food shopping, hubby got a ticket, my son got suspended for 5 days next year...his friend pulled the fire alarm on the last day of school and he was seen on camera with his friend running out of the building. That's a story in itself : )

Anyway happy to be back. I haven't done the food journal this week because things got a little crazy but I'm happy to say that I will pick it up again starting next week as I usually don't post over the weekend.

Monday, June 20, 2011


I recently received  this brand new journal from my favorite Aunt!

I was previously using a smaller notebook type journal which was harder to write in because it wasn't very wide. I'm so happy about the new one and enjoying writing in it more often now.

I hate to waste anything so I decided to use the old journal as a food log. Some people might wonder why a food log, aren't you trying to end this obsession with keeping track of your weight? Yes and no.

For one reason or another I have not been able to consistantly care enough about myself to fuel my body with foods that make me feel good. I do half of the time but it's just not good enough. I'm not being hard on myself at all. My body is telling me that I can do better.

I'm not at a healthy weight for my body and it's not a happy weight for me either. I struggle with binge eating so going on a "DIET" will not work for me. I don't want to set myself up for disaster. I do want to loose this needed weight and be in a good healthy place.

I just feel that this extra weight is affecting my health (lower back arthritis) and also my daily life. I don't mean to get too personal here but I don't really feel attractive when it comes to getting intimate with the hubby. I feel bad for him because he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. I don't think it's fair to him that I keep pushing him away. This makes me sad but I just can't help it right now

I don't know why I can sit around and complain about how I feel tired, and weighed down but still continue to make these bad choices with food?

My plan is to write out my daily food log here on my blog. I think that if I hold myself accountable to the choices I'm making that I'm more likely to think them through. Also, I will gladly take any suggestions on what  I can do better : )

 Wish me luck! 

Friday, June 17, 2011

Gave in

Well I talked yesterday about how well I have been doing with staying off the scale. That is still true, until today. I was visiting my Grandfather and went to use the bathroom. I saw the dreded scale in the corner and said to myself hmmm should I just peek? I waited about 30 seconds and hopped on.

I didn't see a number that made me happy, not sure why I thought that I would have. I guess it's because I have been eating well and not exercising consistantly.

 I even told myself that I had just eaten a sandwich and that I had on my shoes and jeans so that was giving me 2-3 extra lbs. I just wanted to feel better about the number that I saw.

While visiting the family I had a few hints dropped to my by my uncle asking me if I was dieting. We have this big family wedding to attend in August and everyone is on DIETS!! I'm pretty much the only one. I think maybe this pressure got to me today and could be part of the reason I wanted to hop on the scale. I think I wanted to prove to myself that I was doing just fine.

I'm trying hard to not let that number ruin my day or my progress. I know that at home I have no problem staying off of the scale. I just have to be better prepared to resist when visiting others. It should have been no different.

I have to remember that I did make a lot of progress by staying off the scale for 3 weeks!!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Lower Back Arthritis

I have suffered with lower back pain for the past few years on and off. I never thouht much of it so I never got it checked out.

November came around and my back pain was constant for at least a week or two. That had never happened before. I knew that it was time to get a physcial.

The x-ray revealed that I had arthritis. At first I cried, I was so upset and thought the worst. I thought about my Grandma that suffered with dibilitating arthritis and was bed ridden for many years.

Once I finally did some research I realized that it wasn't so bad. I had a choice to just let it beat me or to fight and just make myself stronger. I chose the latter of couse.

I do have my struggles, today being one of those days. I was in terrible pain this morning but I pushed through it and did my strength training and I feel better now!

I attend physcial therapy weekly and I have to strech each day before I get out of bed and sometimes at other points throughout the day. With both of these things and my exercise I think I have gotten so much better.

Figure Four strech

Kness to chest strech
I do the above streches before getting out of bed and I do this one below throughout the day

I will keep fighting day by day to get stronger and hope to be pain free in the future : )

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Goals update

A few weeks ago I vowed to stay off of this thing....

 So far so good! I can't beleive how staying away from the scale has been such a great choice for me.

I was pretty much a 3 times or more a day weigher. I would weight myself before and after meals and sometimes even after using the bathroom. I have been wanting to do this for a while because I realized that noone should be weighing themselves that often.

To be honest I didn't have much faith in myself being able to stick to this Goal of no weighing myself for the month of June, but to my surprise it has been really easy after the first few days. I'm no longer basing my mood on the number I see. I find that I'm doing a better job at honroing my body with better food choices and exercise.

I have been tempted to peek a few times but I know that I won't do it. I'm sticking to this and I'm pretty curious to see if I can keep myself on a once a month weighing schedule.

As far as my other goals go I have been sticking to each and every one of them. I was never one to write down my goals before. I realized this month that it really works wonders for me.

Why didn't I do this before ??

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Blessed Day

Today we celebrated my Son's Confirmation Day. I really never understood what that meant until today. It's in this sacrament you receive the Holy Spirit and become adult members of the Catholic Church. I was so happy and proud to see my Son stand up there and at the alter. I pray that he will always put God first in all he does. I so enojoyed the company of family today. It was truly a blessed day. Here are some memories.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Dress Change again!

Well call me crazy but I decided last night that I just wasn't comfortable wearing the dress I had planned on for my son's confirmation. I know that other people liked it and I beleive that they would tell me the truth. The thing is, I wasn't comfortable in it. I didn't feel that it was as flattering to my body as I would like. I know myself and I would be fussing all day in it. So I pulled this dress out of the closet and I feel so much more comfortable! Ok, enough about this dress already : )

While planning this Confirmation party I realized I'm really into party planning too much, it's a lot of work. I can't wait to celebrate but I have to say I will be happy when the planning part of this is over and we can actually enjoy ourselves.
It is so hot today, Thank God I'm inside with my AC. It's definately not a straight hair day for me. I have wavy hair and it tends to frizz and poof out in humid weather. Today is a curly day for sure!

I do like my hair better straight  but I like how I can do it both ways if needed. Sometimes you need a change.

For those of you with curly/wavy hair what is your favorite curling product?

I recently tried Suave captivating curls whipped cream moose, it really has the consistancy of whipped cream. It doesn't just melt away in your hand like other moose does. The best part is it doesn't give my hair that crunchy feel, do you know what I mean? Uhh hate that feeling.

The best part is I bought it at Walmart for under $3.00!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Feeling Stonger

Here is another photo I took when I was feeling good

I have been sticking to my strength trainig goal 2 times a week. This is my second week and I'm already starting to feel stronger!

I love how strength training makes you feel. It's definately a different feeling than with cardio. I love me some cardio don't get me wrong but strength training is awesome!

I'm currently doing this DVD by Bob Greene. I have stuck to my goal with moving up a level each week or two and I think that's why I'm finally feeling stonger.

We have an empty fridge and cabinets and can't wait to go shopping tonight and stock up on some healthy foods. I'm so in love with sabra roasted garlic hummus!

Just check out the little bits of garlic in there....Ahhh it's heaven to me : )

I can't eat any other brand of hummus after trying Sabra. The only problem is that it's pretty pricey. I don't know if I can buy it this time since it's not on sale this week waaaah!!

 I might go through withdrawal this week, good think I still have some of the roasted red pepper left.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Truth is hard to admit

Well I could sit here and pretend that nothing is bothering me but I have to be honest. I posted yesterday about how I'm going to work through my insecurties of wearing the new dress and be strong, but that is not the case.

I have been trying to tell myself that I'm ok with wearing the dress but it's not true. I feel like if I wear the dress I'm going to feel very FAT that day. I feel like people are going to look at me and wonder why i'm squeezing into a dress that obviously doesn't look good on me. I feel that it's going to dictate my mood and ruin the day for my son. I don't want this to happen.

I have tried it on for 3 people which all said it looks really nice on me. Is it just me?? Could I really have that much of a distorted image of myself? I tend to try to wear things that will fit my shape well and cover up the places that bother me. I think the problem with this dress is that it shows off my womenly curves (as my husband says) and I'm not able to handle the attention that I might receive, or should I say I don't think i'm worthy of that attention at this weight.

I really want to try to push through this and wear the dress with possibly a shrug over it and just get over it! I feel that is what I need to do. Otherwise I end up wearing things that don't really fit well and I look back at photos and look older than I am, I don't feel that I look youthful and stylish.

So glad to get that off my chest. I have been doing really well with my goals. One thing that I didn't add as a goal is to make sure I'm eating foods that make me feel well. I have been horrible in this area. I know I have to change but not sure why I can't make this stick for long enough to see progress. I'm adding this as a June Goal. To nourish my body properly and to enjoy one sweet treat daily, no more! I have been out of hand with the sweets.

Here is a couple of pictures  I'm sharing of days I felt good about without makeup, never thought I could feel pretty like that

I have to laugh at my random hand up in ther air not sure what that's about haha!

Monday, June 6, 2011

New Dress

So I found a dress over the weekend. I usually have a hard time finding clothes that fit me so I end up feeling frustrated and defeated and pretty down on my body after a shopping trip. This time I found a dress that fit well within 10 minutes! I usually don't come out of the dressing room to show hubby because I'm embarrased for other people to see me. When I tried on this dress I felt confident enough to walk out of the dressing room. Steve loved the dress on me : )

The shoes
I got home and I tried the dress on and I started to let all of my insecurities get the best of me. I tore myself apart in the mirror I decided I wanted to return the dress. I always end up buying things and then by the time I get home I don't like it anymore. I have decided that I'm not going to let that happen this time. I'm going to wear this dress and I'm not going to let my insecurities win this time!

Here is another picture of myself  when I was feeling good about myself

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Hair color

I was pretty busy yesterday.One of the things I had to do was get my hair done. I decided to do my usual highlights and lowlights. I tend to always go back to the same color after slightly changing it. I'm not really a risk taker when it comes to trying new things with my hair. I tend to get bored often but once I sit in the chair I just tell my hairdresser to do the same thing : )

Besides getting my hair done I got a great walk in early morning at the park. There was a perfect breeze going on. I also helped my sister pack and move. It was a productive day but a tiring one. Today is another busy one. I have to search for a dress for my son's Confirmation next weekend. I hope to find one and post a pic tonight. I did manage to also stop at DD and get my free donut last night there wasn't much left but hey it was free!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Blogging and my goals

Well thanks to my reading yesterday as well as the comments I received,  I have decided that I do need to keep blogging. I get tired of hearing myself repeat things and go through the same struggles over and over. So that means that change is needed to get different results.

 I was inspired through Tina @ to set goals for myself.

I realize that change takes a lot of hard work and dedication. Setting goals will hold me accountable and push me to actually make changes instead of  just saying that I want to.

Goals for June

  • I will stay off the scale for the month of June- This is going to be tough. I get on the scale at least 3 times daily. I know that it affects my mood. I have to break the habit.

  • Read at least one book this month - Tomorrow I'm starting battlefield of the mind.

  • Strength training 2-3 times per week - I have a DVD that i'm using but I keep doing the same 2 workouts out of fear that I can't do the harder levels. I will push myself each week to move up a level.

  • I will wake up earlier each morning to make the time for my prayer/reading time - I never leave myself alone time to start my day off with my prayer/reading time. I end up having to skip it or I squeeze it in at some point. It's important to me to start my day off that way.

  • I will put more effort into keeping in touch with loved ones and friends - I get lazy with this. I love seeing everyone but tend to get so caught up in my routine that I don't set aside time to see the ones I care for.
I also wanted to share a picture of myself. I started to take pictures of myself when I really felt good about myself. Some of them are with make up, some without, and some right afer a workout. I wanted to capture those moments so that I can remember how I felt and most of  all that beauty has many different faces. I have struggled so much with feeling good about myself, especially without makeup on.

Have a wondeful Day!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Should I keep blogging?

Here are two pictures from Memorial Day weekend, We watched the sunset at the beach

I have tossed around thoughts of not even continuing my blog. I'm not sure if it's helping me in any way. I struggle with what to say sometimes and also finding time to write as well. I wonder if people get tired of hearing me go through my stuggles? I even thought about giving up on this intuitive eating journey.

I have been struggling a lot lately with my eating. I don't always want to post because it hasn't been just one day.  Anyway, as I was reading Power Thoughts this morning by Joyce Meyer (great book) I came across a few things that changed my mind about myself and about this blog...

"For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yeilds a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained yet by it" Hebrews 12:11

I feel that those words are so powerful and say so much to me and to all of us that struggle. Nothing worth having is ever easy. I can't let myself be defeated so quick! I'm going to repeat this verse every morning.

I also found this....A disiplined life begins with a disiplined mind. We must be able to set our mind and keep it set concerning our desires and goals. This is huge for me, I tend to let my mind win and give up way to quickly. I know God made all of us to be conquerers.

One more...Discipline is the price of freedom. It is the door to liberation. When we are not disciplined, we become slaves; we fall under the power of things that should have no control over us. For example, when we don't discipline ourselves to eat healthily, we becomes slaves to fat, sugars and other subtances that are derimental to our phyical health. I can definately relate to this. I struggle with fightin off binges, dieting andand negative thoughts daily. Reading this chapter today really made me see things differently. I am strong enough, God made me and all of us strong enough to fight through anything!

Have you ever been a "slave" to anything, or doesanything have power over you?