Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Forgiving yourself

Last night was pretty bad for me. I was emotionally eating and it definately took a toll on me this morning. I couldn't get out of bed and I felt terrible. I didn't realize all of the emotions I'm keeping in.  I guess that is what happens when you have always ate to push away uncomfortable feelings. You don't even know why a lot of the time because it's just second nature.

I have some things that I have never dealt with from my past that are definately holding me back. I just realized that last night. It's funny how things from the past have a way of creeping up on you.

There was a time when my husband and I were not together. We had our son young  I was 19 and he was 22. I had trouble getting things right and we broke up for a couple of years. I did somethings during that time that I'm not proud of. I realized last night that I have not fully forgiven myself for what I did and mostly for the time lost for us as a family.

I love these guys! 

I never thought I would just have one child. Now that my son is 13 and I'm 34 I just don't feel like I'm ready to have another child at this point. I missed out on some family things that we could have done when his Dad and I were separated some years ago and I also missed my time to have another child that could grow up along with my son. I guess I have to just let this all out and accept that this is what it is.

My little boy all grown up  

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. It’s easy to try and hide our mistakes and not think about them, but what we hide has power over us; it can sit there in the back of our minds and fester, eating away at our self-assurance and our sense of God’s love for us, making us wonder if we are truly worthy. We have to let go of our mistakes and forgive ourselves just as God forgives us. And He does forgive us, completely and with no reservations!

I found these six steps to forgiving yourself online. I'm going to try this and hope that this list can also help someone else.

Six Steps Toward Forgiving Yourself

1. Take out a sheet of paper and write your name at the top. Now take some time to think about all of those things you’ve never let go of in your past that you haven’t forgiven yourself for.

2. Write down what those transgressions are and who you hurt; how you hurt them, etc. Was it verbal or physical abuse? Dishonesty? Neglecting someone you cared about? Betrayal? Rejection? Theft? Rape? Lying? Addiction? Adultery?

3. Write down how you feel about yourself because of these unresolved feelings over your past mistakes. Be very honest with yourself. Although you may have made amends or been forgiven by others, do you still feel unworthy? God knows how you feel and He sees your heart. Express on paper how you feel and let the emotions flow – release them!

4. Decide to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision of the will and one of the greatest Gifts from God. He has told us to forgive and that He will give us the power to do so – but it all begins with the decision to do so.

5. Take your list to God and acknowledge your forgiveness to Him. “Lord, I come to You today and give up my unforgiveness. I forgive myself for ____________________. At this moment, I choose not to hold these offenses against myself, but put them into Your Hands. God, heal my emotional wounds and help me to be able to move forward without regrets and help me to let go of the past and start fresh. God give me the ability to offer upliftment and comfort to someone else with the same comfort you have given me. I release my past sins of ____________into Your Hands.”

6. Destroy the list in private. This visual exercise can be very freeing. Whether you decide to shred it, burn it or tear it up and scatter it in the trash, imagine your past mistakes being destroyed and floating away in the same manner.

The Lord doesn’t want us to dwell on what has happened before – our lives as Christians are about who we are now and in the future, walking in forgiveness and love. So give yourself a wonderful gift that is free of charge and yet priceless this year – forgive yourself!


Kesha Thomas said...

What a special blog! Its so true. When we can forgive ourselves and have complete confidence in God's forgiveness towards us, we can live so freely! No matter the choices we have made in our lives, God has a plan and it's always good!

sotm121097 said...

Thanks Kesha! So very true.