Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Truth is hard to admit

Well I could sit here and pretend that nothing is bothering me but I have to be honest. I posted yesterday about how I'm going to work through my insecurties of wearing the new dress and be strong, but that is not the case.

I have been trying to tell myself that I'm ok with wearing the dress but it's not true. I feel like if I wear the dress I'm going to feel very FAT that day. I feel like people are going to look at me and wonder why i'm squeezing into a dress that obviously doesn't look good on me. I feel that it's going to dictate my mood and ruin the day for my son. I don't want this to happen.

I have tried it on for 3 people which all said it looks really nice on me. Is it just me?? Could I really have that much of a distorted image of myself? I tend to try to wear things that will fit my shape well and cover up the places that bother me. I think the problem with this dress is that it shows off my womenly curves (as my husband says) and I'm not able to handle the attention that I might receive, or should I say I don't think i'm worthy of that attention at this weight.

I really want to try to push through this and wear the dress with possibly a shrug over it and just get over it! I feel that is what I need to do. Otherwise I end up wearing things that don't really fit well and I look back at photos and look older than I am, I don't feel that I look youthful and stylish.

So glad to get that off my chest. I have been doing really well with my goals. One thing that I didn't add as a goal is to make sure I'm eating foods that make me feel well. I have been horrible in this area. I know I have to change but not sure why I can't make this stick for long enough to see progress. I'm adding this as a June Goal. To nourish my body properly and to enjoy one sweet treat daily, no more! I have been out of hand with the sweets.

Here is a couple of pictures  I'm sharing of days I felt good about myself...one without makeup, never thought I could feel pretty like that

I have to laugh at my random hand up in ther air not sure what that's about haha!

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